tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4377307977732630142024-03-18T02:17:27.258-06:00Shallee McArthurLife, the Universe, and WritingShalleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09907680428735740943noreply@blogger.comBlogger338125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-437730797773263014.post-73419177113084660452017-08-09T10:59:00.001-06:002017-09-19T13:52:32.381-06:00TFW your whole life changes-- AKA The Writing Excuses Retreat 2017<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="def8g" data-offset-key="93ld6-0-0" style="background-color: white;">
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<span style="color: #1d2129;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">So a big thing happened back in April. I knew it was a big thing, but I don't think I ever fully comprehended exactly how life-changing it would be. That thing was: I won a scholarship to the Writing Excuses Retreat. On a cruise ship. On the Baltic Sea in Europe.
When I got the call, I was shaking and giggling and trying to sound professional and excited and coherent and grateful all at the same time. Which is hard, by the way. I'd never been to Europe-- I didn't think I'd ever be able to get to Europe--and the opportunity to spend a week on a cruise ship with fellow writers and mind-blowing instructors was beyond my wildest dreams. But as of this past Sunday, I'm officially home from the 10-day retreat, and it was so much more than even those wildest dreams promised. I'm feeling so much gratitude for the scholarship that gave me this life-changing and writing-changing experience. I was only able to do this through the extreme generosity of others, and the love and support of my family. I'm pretty sure it's not just the exhaustion making me emotional.
I'm finally on the up-side of jet lag recovery, so I went for my morning walk today. Two miles felt paltry compared to the mileage I've been racking up in Europe. I spent most of the walk reliving parts of the entire retreat and trying to pull together coherent thoughts on how it changed my life. It's rather difficult to sum up the entirety of such an experience. But I came up with these.
With the help of the generous and loving instructor Emma Newman, I was finally able to name the main underlying fear holding me back in my writing. And with a wonderful one-on-one talk with her, not only is it named, but I have the tools to face it.
Thanks to the inspiring and electrifying instructor Jasper Fforde, I am opening my eyes to the world, and am more acutely aware of the things that inspire me-- and learning to be brave enough to express those things in my writing.
From down-to-earth and optimistic instructor Thomas Olde Heuvolt, I gained the tools I need to organize my writing goals to achieve what I want, so I don't feel like I'm flailing around life, just trying to squeeze the writing time in.
I had the relief of feeling free to express myself to my fellow retreat-goers, and to bond with new friends more quickly than I'd have expected. We all shared so many similarities, and at the same time, were all respectful of each other's differences. It was a safe, encouraging, open space.
After over-doing it the first shore day in Copenhagen and having to rely on my cane for support every day thereafter, I was able to overcome the resentment and embarrassment I didn't even realize I held whenever I used it. Instead, I was grateful to have a tool that enabled me to keep enjoying my experience.
I had the pleasure and eye-opening experience of exploring parts of the world I honestly never thought I'd be able to get to. I enjoyed new foods, stood in awe of ancient and not-quite-ancient architecture, experienced the values of another group of human beings, and felt the deepest artistic euphoria of my life in the face of original masterpieces of many kinds.
After all this and so much more I'm still trying to process, I feel...freed. I feel open-- to the world, to myself, and to letting my words spill onto the page without reserve again. I am encouraged, eager, and determined. I have new tools at my disposal for writing thanks to instructors like Aliette de Bodard, Wes Chu, and Ken Liu. As I left the cruise, I fancy I heard the triumphant "Ding!" I get when one of my World of Warcraft characters levels up.
As the instructors told us, that means writing is likely going to be a bit harder for a while. And I relish the thought.</span></span>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Part of the main atrium area on the cruise ship</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I got to tour Rosenborg Castle in Denmark-- my first European castle</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Fan-girling Hans Christian Anderson. His response? "Girl, please."</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The royal crown of Denmark</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The original Thorvaldsen statue of Christ in Copenhagen cathedral-- something familiar to me, as there are copies in LDS vistor's centers around the world. </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The red house in Nyhavn district of Copenhagen is where Hans Christian Anderson wrote many of his fairy tales.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">In Stockholm, I visited the outdoor museum of Skansen. Chock-full of history and beauty.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A farmstead shipped in from Mora-- the village where my Swedish ancestors lived. </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sweden was awe-inspiring with her beauty.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The ceiling mirror reflecting my writerly genius during a guided writing exercise on the ship.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The ancient Town Hall in Tallinn, Estonia, which I got to tour. It also has a lovely tavern restaurant in it, where I had lunch.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Tallinn was absolutely charming.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The view from the oldest working apothecary in Europe-- since the 1400s-- in Tallinn.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The MSC Fantasia, where writing fantasies come true.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq2jT_5vYyN8TXEouO-PPzG93tFpEieydh1Td9WS47wLq5wBWK8k6tO9ZDKD6lTEe-vwj5MVGODmKoQZ5LPCOAlL0yTEpt5-zUB-AZU5DsNUJSVKLjZDpe0px9ceTmka37i1yCEJOOsi0V/s1600/IMG_6113.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq2jT_5vYyN8TXEouO-PPzG93tFpEieydh1Td9WS47wLq5wBWK8k6tO9ZDKD6lTEe-vwj5MVGODmKoQZ5LPCOAlL0yTEpt5-zUB-AZU5DsNUJSVKLjZDpe0px9ceTmka37i1yCEJOOsi0V/s320/IMG_6113.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ceiling of the Church on Spilled Blood, St. Petersburg, Russia</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQRZw1GuIjduA-rE2RJ_O0SVrBGudniBvNgcsjv-LQZglX-JKW-jkbhbmWa1iRGP1TMkimb6_8OzvlJCHat3zwMZQK00E5FfqU5vG_4Y29Y48OQj_e5r0HONW1E2kFNbYjO96hrsI3zPQI/s1600/IMG_6128.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="960" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQRZw1GuIjduA-rE2RJ_O0SVrBGudniBvNgcsjv-LQZglX-JKW-jkbhbmWa1iRGP1TMkimb6_8OzvlJCHat3zwMZQK00E5FfqU5vG_4Y29Y48OQj_e5r0HONW1E2kFNbYjO96hrsI3zPQI/s320/IMG_6128.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Exterior of the Church on Spilled Blood.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiTf0cbVEbh5rLg57kJ6rb5b61BlL9CH4vn-YdjH4E9ircVP4l8WU7JYBD8QsPXxnsqN88IXiOcfKg39qCcY3J6dJ1MAVzaVOJWEYiaFhBH_086_ymBwnem2UWaZ3P7h4xVvgv4v2-W9fx/s1600/IMG_6200.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiTf0cbVEbh5rLg57kJ6rb5b61BlL9CH4vn-YdjH4E9ircVP4l8WU7JYBD8QsPXxnsqN88IXiOcfKg39qCcY3J6dJ1MAVzaVOJWEYiaFhBH_086_ymBwnem2UWaZ3P7h4xVvgv4v2-W9fx/s320/IMG_6200.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Grand staircase inside the Winter Palace, which houses the astounding Hermitage Museum, St. Petersburg.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRgeITpfMmKz7GLRlLTWAWWE20fsLX23zDIUpiR8HJgD2MoS0gS8d5A1SbFK9YDcz86XG5KaJ0p3iMk6Yv1y4MtJEOeK_nso3H62ANBi3QR8lZVTUvbCJ-30DVQTzpChg3KDQvSvvWn_ld/s1600/IMG_6311.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRgeITpfMmKz7GLRlLTWAWWE20fsLX23zDIUpiR8HJgD2MoS0gS8d5A1SbFK9YDcz86XG5KaJ0p3iMk6Yv1y4MtJEOeK_nso3H62ANBi3QR8lZVTUvbCJ-30DVQTzpChg3KDQvSvvWn_ld/s320/IMG_6311.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That is a Da Vinci. The gorgeous Litta Madonna. It was so astounding in the original that it brought tears to my eyes. Hermitage Museum, St. Petersburg.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirbI0oay7Kg69cAaBD7mPMReYf-R6wLoJzKswEqgEdjxXk_4X4FDMZD-czgHb0tMzCWlkgEWelJ-WTGTyqis33qDx2Gjx6Pxc4eDBZHBWsIZ7DpNpa3BXsrNTAP3Mn3o9D4-zmL6DutkX9/s1600/IMG_6349.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirbI0oay7Kg69cAaBD7mPMReYf-R6wLoJzKswEqgEdjxXk_4X4FDMZD-czgHb0tMzCWlkgEWelJ-WTGTyqis33qDx2Gjx6Pxc4eDBZHBWsIZ7DpNpa3BXsrNTAP3Mn3o9D4-zmL6DutkX9/s320/IMG_6349.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Michaelangelo's unfinished Crouching Boy. I both cried and giggled in hysteria at this one. You can still see CHISEL MARKS on him, made by the hand of the artist himself. Hermitage Museum, St. Petersburg.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDVOsykP_dFCPBWpGI0ZRRx8FFl2qxoCLOaVAjri_yzchYqLtxBD7-XR_L5r17aAVL_tjuMeZs2-PYQ7H_3Z-M9Cyiy5Jsdy4t-o2dFPFDtGV5mZydc6V_qL0FGU8FO-Cf9ei_rb8eeNvD/s1600/IMG_6370.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDVOsykP_dFCPBWpGI0ZRRx8FFl2qxoCLOaVAjri_yzchYqLtxBD7-XR_L5r17aAVL_tjuMeZs2-PYQ7H_3Z-M9Cyiy5Jsdy4t-o2dFPFDtGV5mZydc6V_qL0FGU8FO-Cf9ei_rb8eeNvD/s320/IMG_6370.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The passionate and evocative Kiss of Cupid and Psyche by Antonio Canova. Hermitage Museum, St. Petersburg.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWShDRrrlnPxL6G6ISqxlpzw34GguAiw0bOTqEgu9nXqu3JaLCngEAGM51uCwFFH6ayYMUNDL6f14cph7nEt0igWzzowMJJ8mWNS9zdfrUv61fy9cPrm0e3QrJbSwzE9hFUZ5U5TttwuHR/s1600/IMG_6401.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWShDRrrlnPxL6G6ISqxlpzw34GguAiw0bOTqEgu9nXqu3JaLCngEAGM51uCwFFH6ayYMUNDL6f14cph7nEt0igWzzowMJJ8mWNS9zdfrUv61fy9cPrm0e3QrJbSwzE9hFUZ5U5TttwuHR/s320/IMG_6401.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Detail of Rembrandt's Return of the Prodigal Son. You can see BRUSHSTROKES. Hermitage Museum, St. Petersburg.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinmoK7KSvyVDlkyydSNDnSYFFw-5OCaNVWcxwrZ0VxxtGw07Tuy3wdfFQPJKC7YOWCSE2DPQKIfRoJkuudjJZj84VPhVXy17EeBSy45ivKMalAqDSrDiRD-1ZLFmzTea7Go68hX8bcdZ6F/s1600/IMG_6478.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinmoK7KSvyVDlkyydSNDnSYFFw-5OCaNVWcxwrZ0VxxtGw07Tuy3wdfFQPJKC7YOWCSE2DPQKIfRoJkuudjJZj84VPhVXy17EeBSy45ivKMalAqDSrDiRD-1ZLFmzTea7Go68hX8bcdZ6F/s320/IMG_6478.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jasper Fforde sharing his brilliance with us.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7BtHCv-x2xneF5yT0xCk98VO144dOGpUJCystTk1KGnuwsAkkqAEn5M38waS180NKglMVHsRgXhhmAb1tV9HNpDnu8bU3OG0MeU9lSJ9I_f41wcM17V9gRVd4bEbbcVdZV8JmtmNfC-6B/s1600/IMG_6485.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7BtHCv-x2xneF5yT0xCk98VO144dOGpUJCystTk1KGnuwsAkkqAEn5M38waS180NKglMVHsRgXhhmAb1tV9HNpDnu8bU3OG0MeU9lSJ9I_f41wcM17V9gRVd4bEbbcVdZV8JmtmNfC-6B/s320/IMG_6485.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I never tired of sitting on my balcony and watching the Baltic Sea.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-XJACLblheBT_I5orpcxw77wIigJWUuXvN3BNds83I3JzPwD0yFkUWphEzA-HaG6q_nyWad_pfI1tmzl3IuQjLeZ17XjBaK-Pj-K4c47VNzheurDUe-rGvw9a-a8YmAjgrUelyFytHsoT/s1600/IMG_6564.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-XJACLblheBT_I5orpcxw77wIigJWUuXvN3BNds83I3JzPwD0yFkUWphEzA-HaG6q_nyWad_pfI1tmzl3IuQjLeZ17XjBaK-Pj-K4c47VNzheurDUe-rGvw9a-a8YmAjgrUelyFytHsoT/s320/IMG_6564.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Geistkampfer-- Ghost Fighter-- outside the Church of St. Nikolai, Kiel, Germany.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLey5FZMpy_pQMI5E3LXzWVw4ou4owEFQuPJX4UX9BGV7_-_PVe4W5iN84LbCZCXYjmSqcCpLhCEmkJj0ukVGOZyYoSvXAmm9SIqxa1Ql1-jPRSjNocxk0OWg4Wm1fSRjR3KDRPQIgPjAA/s1600/IMG_6615.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLey5FZMpy_pQMI5E3LXzWVw4ou4owEFQuPJX4UX9BGV7_-_PVe4W5iN84LbCZCXYjmSqcCpLhCEmkJj0ukVGOZyYoSvXAmm9SIqxa1Ql1-jPRSjNocxk0OWg4Wm1fSRjR3KDRPQIgPjAA/s320/IMG_6615.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We found a geek store around the corner from the hotel in Kiel, and descended on it en masse.</td></tr>
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Shalleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09907680428735740943noreply@blogger.com84tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-437730797773263014.post-40726195808652745482017-01-05T17:50:00.000-07:002017-02-01T11:51:14.703-07:00The Truth of the Matter: The Give and Take of Writing as a JobHere's the truth of the matter: I have not written consistently for well over a year.<br />
<br />
This doesn't mean I haven't written. I've written whenever I darn well pleased. Which was sometimes every day for weeks. And sometimes once every other month. At first, I felt guilty. Real writers write every day, they say. They write when they don't feel like it. They don't wait for the muse, they just put the butt in the chair and go, every day, because it's a job.<br />
<br />
I call bull****.<br />
<br />
Because here's another truth. Yes, if you want to be published-- if you <i>are</i> published-- treating writing like a job is necessary. I'm not going to say you shouldn't follow this advice. I'm saying <i>I</i> shouldn't have followed this advice, at least not to the letter of the law.<br />
<br />
While writing my last book, I was dealing with some pretty heavy stuff-- some very serious anxiety and depression. I was still learning to live a new life with an auto-immune disorder diagnosis. I had two kids and a husband in school and working, who was also struggling with depression. I was doing school visits and library visits and conferences to promote my first book.<br />
<br />
But I had to get that book written. I HAD TO. It was required of me, I was a professional now, I had to put my butt in the chair. You may have heard me talk about writing that book-- honestly, it was torture. I truly hated writing that book (though I did love the story in the end).<br />
<br />
Which may be, in the end, at least one reason why that book didn't sell. (There are many reasons, the same as why thousands of books don't sell to publishers.) It was missing something, and my agent and I both agreed after a year or so on sub that it was time to retire it. I realized later the most important thing missing from that book: heart. Passion. Me.<br />
<br />
I was fine that that book didn't sell. Truly. But it also broke me. Not the lack of a sale, but that book itself. I was so burned out on words that I couldn't even <i>read</i>, let alone write, for months. Then I tinkered with a few stories again, starting with a new direction in my writing. I didn't stick with anything. I just tinkered. I played if I wanted to with one story or another, and very, very often I wanted to do everything and anything else. Even when I picked my "next book" and started focusing on it, it couldn't really be called "focus." But I have a desperate need to be creative, and my creative energy got redirected.<br />
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I bought a sewing machine and started making my own clothes-- and I loved it. Probably half of what I wear now is made by me. I made a funky dress with planets and stars on it. I made leggings with elephants on them. I made some flowery shirts. I made a purse with a dragon on it. I can express myself in a new way, and it fills me.<br />
<br />
I took a calligraphy class. I learned to write letters in different ways, pretty ways. I started mailing handwritten letters to people, telling them what they mean to mean in simple words I can make beautiful by their form. I wrote my children poems on beautiful paper and hung them in their rooms. I can be artistic with a pen in a very visual way, and it fills me.<br />
<br />
I had a baby. I had her with no pain medication, because I wanted to be fully present in the final moments of bringing her into the world. It was a moving experience that truly brought home to me the awe and power of creating that most incredible of things-- a human being. She is joyful and into everything and shrieks with delight if her siblings so much as make farting noises at her, and after ten months is finally starting to nap with semi-certainty. I watch her working to create herself in this world I brought her into, and it fills me.<br />
<br />
After many, many, many months of this, I woke up one morning, sat down at my computer, and poured out 2,000 words on that "next book." And I was excited about them. I loved writing them. I couldn't wait to write more. Suddenly, I was back, I was writer-Shallee again, eager to pour out words, anxious to tell a story, dreaming up scenes while doing the dishes.<br />
<br />
Because here's the truth of the matter: I had let writing drain me, rather than fill me. And it drained me so thoroughly, I had to find other ways to fill me back up and make me human again. Now that I'm full, writing is giving back to me again, and so I'm overflowing.<br />
<br />
Whether you're an old pro, a new pro, wanting to be a pro, or anything else, don't let the writing drain you. (I'm talking about the writing, here-- publishing is a whoooooole 'nother story that doesn't give back nearly as much as you'd think it does.) There are times when you have to write every day, maybe even all day, no matter what, for the business end of things. Maybe that's now. There are people who thrive on treating writing like a 9 to 5 job every day for the rest of their life. Maybe that's you. That's great. But if your way of treating it like a job is to write once a week for six hours, once a day for half an hour, or anything else, that's great too. Plan it out. Know what you need and how you function as a writer, know what the job requires of you, and make a plan that fits you and still gets the work done.<br />
<br />
The great thing about writing as a job is that it's flexible-- whatever works for you, however you get your words on paper consistently, that's how you treat it like a job. So some days I'm writing 2k+ words. Some days I'm squeezing in 600 because it's all I can manage while the baby screams and tugs my pants because she's a napless demon that day. I am actually writing every day (or almost) right now, because I'm so excited about this story. But I've decided I will never let writing take so much from me again. That's not the kind of career I want, and it's not the kind of stories I want to share.<br />
<br />
Writing isn't a typical day job, even if you make it your day job. That's what makes it wonderful and frustrating. It's a completely individual thing, and you will find your completely individual way of doing it. As you figure that out-- or maybe you're far ahead of me and had this figured out long ago--don't lose yourself to it. Whether it be entertainment, peace, questions, challenges, or any number of other things, stories should always give something to people.<br />
<br />
Including you.Shalleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09907680428735740943noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-437730797773263014.post-85197372828443940922016-08-31T10:47:00.002-06:002016-08-31T10:47:44.026-06:00Salt Lake Comic Con 2016I'm off to Salt Lake Comic Con today. Shout out to me if you're going to be there too! Here's my panel schedule, so if you'll be there pop by to say hi and grab some free swag from THE UNHAPPENING OF GENESIS LEE!<br />
<br />
Thursday: 2 PM The Bard in the Stars: Shakespeare and Star Trek, Room 150G<br />
<br />
Paul Draper<br />
Angie Lofthouse<br />
Shallee McArthur<br />
J. Christopher Thompson<br />
M. Brooke Wilkins<br />
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Friday: 12 PM How to Clean Blood from the Trunk and Other Writerly Google Searches, Room 255B<br />
<br />
Shannen Camp<br />
Michaelbrent Collings<br />
Angela Corbett<br />
Shallee McArthur<br />
Frank Morin<br />
Craig Nybo<br />
Doug Wagner<br />
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Saturday: 11 AM Star Trek at 50: The Science of Star Trek, Room 151G<br />
<br />
Paul Gibbs<br />
Shallee McArthur<br />
Larry Nemecek<br />
William Niedermeyer<br />
Blake Smith<br />
Eric Swedin<br />
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3 PM: 3,2,1, Let's Jam! The Music and Brilliance of Cowboy Bebop, Room 255C<br />
<br />
Michael Bacera<br />
Kelby LeNorman<br />
Shallee McArthur<br />
Tommy Milagro<br />
Charity O'Haodagain<br />
Aaron Lee Yeager<br />
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<br />Shalleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09907680428735740943noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-437730797773263014.post-41327106984597178752015-07-06T16:28:00.002-06:002015-07-06T16:30:13.421-06:00Breaking the Laws of Nature: Writers as Wizard-Gods of Storytelling (or, This is Why Writing is Hard)Here’s the truth: writing is hard.<br />
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That first draft you're writing? Hard.<br />
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The revisions you're pounding through? Hard.<br />
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The creation of characters, the building of a plot, the painting of the setting? Hard, hard, hard.<br />
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But here’s the other truth about writing: creating something out of nothing is technically against the laws of physics. It should be so hard it’s impossible, and here you are, DOING IT ANYWAY.<br />
<br />
You started with blank pages. Empty nothing on a computer screen or notebook page. And you filled it. You put together words into sentences into paragraphs into pages that are forming a story. You are creating that story out of nothing. You are breaking the natural laws of the universe in order to add your story to it.<br />
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You tricky devil, you.<br />
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With every word you put on the page, you are making something new. Something purely yours. Out of the nothing of a blank page, you are making people, even entire worlds. Do you realize how powerful you are as you write? Creation is the realm of gods and geniuses. You are a wizard-god of storytelling.<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUwbC4gltB4Ms-0gy3RgVIVX5Skz4dR-BEnMXFfOKToJRUedEVE8wJlOpx-dAsMJfY70lgF-_UiEmqJwarOZwSHIch4CQRNFNxDkXniniJKWqa6r2VisFqfSXqZUn0fQwf_8UQDUNEjWuW/s1600/Alone_in_Space_-_Astronomers_Find_New_Kind_of_Planet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUwbC4gltB4Ms-0gy3RgVIVX5Skz4dR-BEnMXFfOKToJRUedEVE8wJlOpx-dAsMJfY70lgF-_UiEmqJwarOZwSHIch4CQRNFNxDkXniniJKWqa6r2VisFqfSXqZUn0fQwf_8UQDUNEjWuW/s320/Alone_in_Space_-_Astronomers_Find_New_Kind_of_Planet.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rogue_planet#/media/File:Alone_in_Space_-_Astronomers_Find_New_Kind_of_Planet.jpg">source</a></td></tr>
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It doesn’t have to be brilliant. It doesn’t even have to be good. It only has to be new. It only has to come from you. That is what makes it powerful. That is what makes <i>you</i> powerful. You are fighting the very universe to create something out of nothing, like some kind of renegade warrior god with words as your weapons.<br />
<br />
So, yeah, it’s hard.<br />
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But just look at the worlds you’re adding to the cosmos.Shalleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09907680428735740943noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-437730797773263014.post-51968148517761741062015-05-27T14:30:00.000-06:002015-05-27T14:30:18.609-06:00For the Times When You Want to Give Up on WritingIt's one of the most common questions to writers. <i>Why do you write?</i> ask fellow writers and confused family members and school children and crit partners and fans and random people on the internet. People write blog posts and have Twitter conversations about it. We try to explain it to family members who don't quite get why we spend so much time cross-eyed in front of a computer.<br />
<br />
One of the most common answers to that question is, "I can't <i>not</i> write!"There's something inside us that drives us to tell stories and drives us crazy if we don't. It's a matter of soul. We are writers and storytellers at heart, and we can't ignore our heart.<br />
<br />
Well. Yes. And no.<br />
<br />
I've been writing literally since I could hold a pen. Pages and pages of circles on lined paper before I could form letters, and pages and pages of cat and unicorn and alien stories after I could make words. I have always written, always read, always loved stories. It truly is a part of who I am, a part of my soul that tugs at me. I understand when other people say the same thing, whether they discovered that part of themselves long ago or just yesterday.<br />
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But there will come a time when you <i>can </i>not-write. When you <i>want</i> to not-write, when you won't be able to bear anything at all except <i>not writing</i>. I'm not talking about a few days of writer's block. I'm talking months or years.<br />
<br />
Those are the months and years of illness, both physical and mental, both yours and loved ones'. The times of financial troubles and relationship troubles. They are the months and years of discouragement and disappointment and rejection and fear and the feeling that you've done <i>everything right</i>, but everything isn't doing right by you. They are the months and years that drain you and wear on you and you just want a break. You want to do anything but put words on the page. That soul that craved writing so much has lost its voice, and it isn't calling out to you anymore. Writing is the hardest thing you can think of doing.<br />
<br />
That's when what really matters is that you <i>choose</i> to write.<br />
<br />
There's a reason a story really starts at the moment a character chooses to follow the path that's been set out for them. It's because stories imitate life, and in life, it's the choice that matters. It's a moment when we take ownership of a thing. We pick it up and say, <i>this is mine. I will do this.</i> There's a power in that, in openly acknowledging how much this thing matters to us. We're not just being pulled along by the whimsy of a soul anymore. We chose to follow the path that soul is giving us. And when the fire in our soul sputters, the choice is what gives us the power to keep following our path in the dark and the cold if we have to.<br />
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Because it gets dark and it gets cold on the writing path. But the other wonderful thing about choosing to go on anyway, is that following that path is one of the only ways to find the fire in our soul again. Instead of your soul tugging on you to keep writing, you will be the one tugging on your fallen soul until it gets back up again.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7VZ7ff2aQh-PwcnIzmg0tPT8VPU0Lmz4T4E0I4MyRGYE3FAjv2qUTR_Hn_QYMBQzbEzlJNsDVKugPvvblwY05yWrTStlzOgHA3Ji20XoicrKZGVNRc3XVBiNOThME8DV7uBveS49xflPR/s1600/IMG_2706.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7VZ7ff2aQh-PwcnIzmg0tPT8VPU0Lmz4T4E0I4MyRGYE3FAjv2qUTR_Hn_QYMBQzbEzlJNsDVKugPvvblwY05yWrTStlzOgHA3Ji20XoicrKZGVNRc3XVBiNOThME8DV7uBveS49xflPR/s320/IMG_2706.JPG" width="320" /></a>So if writing is what your soul is driving you to do, if it's the thing you really want, then choose it. This minute. Acknowledge that this is what you want, this is what means something to you, and that you will <i>write your stories</i>. Even if that path changes in the future, choosing this one is what will lead you there. Then when your path goes dark-- even if it's gone dark already-- you know you can keep going. You'll know how to wake your soul up when it's worn and tired.<br />
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As for me, I think I've finally gotten to the point where my writer's soul is opening its eyes again. And with the light coming back on, the path is looking beautiful.Shalleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09907680428735740943noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-437730797773263014.post-31853333805659547772015-04-18T12:44:00.002-06:002015-04-18T13:50:04.734-06:00My best writing advice: Do whatever the hell you wantI've been teaching a lot lately-- at school visits, at conferences, even at church. (Granted, I don't teach a lot about writing at church.) And it's made me think a lot about all the advice offered at conferences and on blog posts and from people asking "What's your best writing advice?"<br />
<br />
Now, before I say this next part, let me make clear that none of those things are useless. In fact, they're all quite helpful and I myself wouldn't even have a book published without them. But if it comes down to my BEST writing advice, the thing I wish EVERYONE knew about writing, I've decided that it would be this:<br />
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<b>Do whatever the hell you want.</b><br />
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I'm not really much of a swearing person, except when I feel it's necessary for emphasis. And this idea needs EMPHASIS. Because people toss around this idea a lot and I feel like no one ever listens (or at least I didn't). When I was eagerly asking agents on panels what trends were big and they always mentioned this idea-- "Write what you want, not what's popular!"-- I would nod and ignore it. Not <i>totally</i> ignore it. But I wasn't really listening.<br />
<br />
And then I went through a writing panic after my first book got published. I started at least three different books, and trashed all of them because they weren't good enough, or I wasn't good enough, or they weren't marketable, or they wouldn't be what readers wanted. Eventually, I forced myself to pick an idea and write it to the end-- and it took three complete overhauls of the story before I got a finished draft, and I HATED that book for every word it made me wrench from my bleeding brain. (Also, I'm super proud of that book and came to love it eventually.)<br />
<br />
But after that, and after some other things happened, and after I had an idea for a book that was totally different and a little weird and completely spectacular, I had a liberating thought.<br />
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I CAN DO WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT.<br />
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Because life is too short, and publishing is too picky, and damn it, I just want to write what I want. And who said what I want isn't worth anything?<br />
<br />
I want to write something I've never written before that may not mesh with my current published work and readership? DONE.<br />
<br />
I want to break the rules of viewpoint? DONE.<br />
<br />
I want to break the rules of <i>science</i>? DONE.<br />
<br />
I want to write a freaking epic story that might be out of my league but I'm going to give it my all anyway because I'm having a total blast? DONE AND DONE, BABY.<br />
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Now, there are a couple of caveats to this free-for-all, devil-may-care attitude. Because, you see, I do want to publish books as well as write them, and I'd like readers to have an enjoyable experience when they read it. So allow me to provide two addendums (or <i>addenda</i>, if I want to be appropriately Latin about it) to this.<br />
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<b>Addendum 1: It better be damn good.</b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifGLG8IBq1hF2cKl7-0P-OMReRKKXURCaJPEODKKdH8Zf_zYL43lWNZxMv7BEsH0OiKIxuwXDxPikrG9y-aKMnnfHZaTDobMdGpKwndvee7m8e60_NDts5z1YAxcgia6zoSn0WOkk6eBRB/s1600/freedom-freedom-work-funny-wilderness-outdoors-demotivational-poster-1205482803.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifGLG8IBq1hF2cKl7-0P-OMReRKKXURCaJPEODKKdH8Zf_zYL43lWNZxMv7BEsH0OiKIxuwXDxPikrG9y-aKMnnfHZaTDobMdGpKwndvee7m8e60_NDts5z1YAxcgia6zoSn0WOkk6eBRB/s1600/freedom-freedom-work-funny-wilderness-outdoors-demotivational-poster-1205482803.jpg" height="269" width="320" /></a>Notice again the emphasis. It can't just be good. If you're doing whatever the hell you want and it's not a popular genre or following the rules, it has to be immensely better than GOOD if you want to make it fly. That means you have to work at it. Hard. For longer than you think you need to. It means you have to know the rules before you break them so you do it with purpose. I can break the rules of science, sure, but I better know what those fundamental laws are and how it would affect the world to break them, and how it's even possible to break them (it's not; I can make that part up, but it better be acknowledged in a logical way).<br />
<br />
It needs to be so cool and incredible and so well-written that your readers are losing more socks than a clothes dryer because you've blown all those socks off. So really, another way to phrase this addendum is WORK REALLY DAMN HARD.<br />
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<b>Addendum 2:</b> <b>Know the limitations and be willing to accept them.</b><br />
<br />
You want to write about fairy zombies on an alien world who use magical pollen to make their spacecraft fly so they can invade Earth? DO IT. But recognize that in doing so, there are limitations. You can make that thing the best-written novel in the history of the world that makes even serial killers cry, but accept the fact that the marketing team may wipe their tears and stamp REJECTED on it anyway. Because that's the fact of things. There are limitations to the traditional publishing world, and you can whine and moan, but it is what it is and you have to be able to accept that a Big 5 publisher might not take a risk on a book premise that sounds like it's waiting for a punchline to be delivered.<br />
<br />
So you choose to indie publish. Great. DO IT. But accept the realities of that world too. Accept that it's crowded, and you may have to put money in for a good edit and cover, and all the things that come along with that path.<br />
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Do what you want, but do it with eyes wide open. Just because you're <i>doing</i> what you want doesn't mean you'll <i>get</i> what you want out of it. That's not the point, anyway. The point is finding joy in the doing. As Brandon Sanderson said at the <a href="http://teenauthorbootcamp.com/">Teen Author Boot Camp</a> conference I just taught at, "The book is not the product of your writing. YOU are the product of your writing."<br />
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So there it is. After all the blog posts and books and college classes and conferences, this is the best writing advice I've got. Do whatever the hell you want, my friends, and revel in the joy of it. I'm going to go do that now, too.Shalleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09907680428735740943noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-437730797773263014.post-67462606820380630052015-03-18T10:07:00.002-06:002015-03-18T10:10:06.187-06:00One of Those Days: Multiple Sclerosis Awareness MonthI woke up this morning, and my legs weren't working right.<br />
<br />
For the last two years, ever since I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, I've had a morning routine that starts with laying in bed and calculating the feeling in each part of my body. Sometimes it stops with, "I slept nine hours and still feel like a zombie. Yup, it's gonna be one of those days." This morning, it stopped at, "Well, my quads feel like I've run a marathon. One of those days."<br />
<br />
I never know when it's going to be one of those days. I never know how long those days are going to last. Sometimes those days won't hit until 2 in the afternoon. Sometimes those days only last a few hours. Other times, those days stretch on until I finally concede that it's a full relapse and I need to call the doctor and set up another round of 3-4 day IV steroids.<br />
<br />
Those days mean I'm going to be in PJs all day, and so are my kids. It means the dishes and the laundry won't get done, and neither will the writing. Those days mean movies and no makeup and cereal for dinner. My kids actually don't seem to mind-- as long as we have marshmallow cereal in the cupboard.<br />
<br />
Those days mean feeling guilty for what I can't get done, and for having to tell my son I can't have a light saber battle right now because remember how mommy has that disease? Those days mean simmering anger that my body is crapping out on me and it's really damn unfair that I'm too tired to even do simple, everyday things. Those days mean there's a heavy, fearful pressure in my chest, because my body really <i>is </i>crapping out on me, and there's no telling if this is the relapse that might leave permanent serious damage. Damage that leaves my fingers numb and forever fumbling on piano keys and my computer keyboard. Damage that leaves my legs shaky all day every day, unable to support my body so that my cane becomes a permanent feature that I have to use all the time.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh55sSv9N6Vjjaved6WTsNKHNqpi8qSdJIRj9322Js_cT6pIKWFeMZZqz0wVNZ5TEAbNrSH4x8fTWiDK1fJVk89zb-ZRf0vFcfyYwijqmcmh1iHUIc3U1sNlTnxrsa3Un9CqQJOPDu_Hbfl/s1600/IMG_2369.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh55sSv9N6Vjjaved6WTsNKHNqpi8qSdJIRj9322Js_cT6pIKWFeMZZqz0wVNZ5TEAbNrSH4x8fTWiDK1fJVk89zb-ZRf0vFcfyYwijqmcmh1iHUIc3U1sNlTnxrsa3Un9CqQJOPDu_Hbfl/s1600/IMG_2369.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a>I hate those days. Really, truly hate them for the reminder they bring. I'm only two years past my diagnosis, and two years still feels really new. I feel like I'm still adjusting--will always be adjusting--to the idea that this disease is part of me. That I can plan all I want for tomorrow, but one or two or twelve of those days might come along and change those plans.<br />
<br />
But I'm also two years into a learning process that's teaching me that plans will always change, and adapting to change with grace is part of life. So I plan anyway, because those days? They're not the only ones I have. I'm very lucky, as MS goes. Lucky enough that most days mean I can get up and walk without thinking about how hard it is to walk. I can get dressed, play with my kids, write, and do whatever else I have planned. On those days, I almost forget I have MS.<br />
<br />
Today, I'm sitting around and smacking my husband's shoulder when he teasingly calls me "jelly legs." I'm holding onto counter tops and walls and stair railings so I don't fall because my legs feel too weak to hold me up. I'm microwaving quesadillas for my kids' lunch, and they love it. I'll probably take a nap and then go to bed early, and nothing on my list will get done. And I'll hope really hard that tomorrow won't be another one of those days.<br />
<br />
If it is, I'll deal with that day as it comes.<br />
<br />
*I wrote this post several days ago, but didn't feel up to posting it. Luckily, that day was just ONE of those days, and no others followed. To learn more about multiple sclerosis, or to make a donation toward researching medications and cures, go to the <a href="http://mymsaa.org/">Multiple Sclerosis Association of America.</a>*Shalleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09907680428735740943noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-437730797773263014.post-25302120340232028742015-01-08T15:07:00.000-07:002015-01-08T15:07:17.114-07:00Why I Wrote a Character with a Mental Illness: because for a long time, I never knew I had one<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
When I was 19 years old and in college, I got very angry for no apparent reason, for a rather long time. I wasn’t angry about anything in particular. I hated the world, hated my major, hated my job, hated the driver in front of me on the road who wasn’t going fast enough. For months, I felt hollowed out, like I had a hole inside me filled with irrational anger that stemmed from a despair that had no source. I cried a lot, I yelled a lot, and felt very lost.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV_x1F0aPtcKvm7S_CvYUtmZ55GHdtFb4EoV-f8FPq35-BtkbrZFLEz-HUR94GMSY0Smdax76K1R6k5ECQwW6lHvm_MMhDXK4I5tDA6cf7MFSR4L7d8CH14rs0ZQkPho1z_6DkxupPXH01/s1600/red.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV_x1F0aPtcKvm7S_CvYUtmZ55GHdtFb4EoV-f8FPq35-BtkbrZFLEz-HUR94GMSY0Smdax76K1R6k5ECQwW6lHvm_MMhDXK4I5tDA6cf7MFSR4L7d8CH14rs0ZQkPho1z_6DkxupPXH01/s1600/red.jpg" height="320" width="228" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I suppose it feels a little something like this.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
It was depression, but I didn’t realize that.<br />
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When I was 23, I got married, graduated college, and started my first “real” job. My entire life changed completely, and it was bewildering. Abruptly, I turned from a happy, energetic person into one who cried for no apparent reason and never wanted to leave the house. I went to bed every night for months dreading the fact I had to wake up in the morning and go to a job I despised. I hated myself for being miserable and being unable to snap myself out of it. I was heartbrokenly sure my husband hated me because he’d realized I wasn’t the girl he thought he married.<br />
<br />
It was depression, but I didn’t realize that.<br />
<br />
When I was 28, I had my second baby. I loved her, but I cried a lot for the first four months of her life. The burden of two children overwhelmed me, and I was filled with constant guilt and a belief that I was failing at everything. I yelled at my children all the time, and that confirmed I was a terrible mother. The tiniest thing added to my load would send me into frantic fits of panicked breaths and pounding heart. One day, driving down the road with my kids in the back seat, I looked at the gloomy world and saw no point in any of it. There was no reason for it to exist, or for me to exist in it.<br />
<br />
It was depression and anxiety, and I pulled off the road in shock, finally realizing it.<br />
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I went to a doctor and got a diagnosis, medication, and a counselor. My depression and anxiety is cyclical, and is also affected by my Multiple Sclerosis. I recognize it when it comes back now, and have strategies for treating it. But it still unnerves me when I look back at my life, even as a teenager, and see how often I didn’t know that’s what was going on. In fact, when I started writing The Unhappening of Genesis Lee and gave my main character anxiety and panic attacks, I hadn’t reached my own realization of my mental illness yet.<br />
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Gena’s anxiety started out as a plot point. But when I recognized that it was something I dealt with too, it changed things—for me, and the book. I rewrote the moments where Gena had her panic attacks, making small changes to echo what my own felt like. That part of Gena’s character arc became so important to me. I tweaked it all the way up until my very last revision with my editor, trying my best to represent it accurately and with a strong personal connection.<br />
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Because I wanted to share my own realizations about mental illness. I wanted it to be in the book not as a plot point, but so that maybe someone who didn’t know what they were feeling—like me—might read it and recognize it. I wanted people who don’t experience mental illness to be able to read it and start to understand, even just a little, what it can be like. I wanted to show my character as a real person, someone who struggles with mental illness, but has other parts of her that are good and bad and important as well. There are things that make her strong and weak, things that make her <i>her</i>, and some of them are about her mental illness, and some of them aren’t.<br />
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It’s so hard to describe mental illness. Even writing this post, I feel frustrated because it doesn’t really convey the way I feel when I experience it, or how for so long I viewed the world through a kind of distorted lens and didn’t even recognize it. I’m afraid that even in the book, I didn’t write Gena’s own experience well enough, that I didn’t communicate what it truly is.<br />
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But at least I tried, because it matters to me. And it matters to so many others.Shalleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09907680428735740943noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-437730797773263014.post-69802102883667408682014-12-09T13:20:00.001-07:002014-12-09T13:20:10.568-07:00Failure and Success: On the Quantifiability of Life and WritingFailure is a concept I've been thinking a lot about lately. What does it mean to fail? Is it just...not to succeed? If that's the case, what does it mean to succeed?<br />
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"Succeeding" at something has become a paramount virtue in society over I-don't-even-know-how many years. The ultimate goal of life is to lead a successful one-- and we have numerous ways to quantify it. It's usually in terms of size: "how many/how much/how big/how fast." We're really bad at this in publishing. How long did you query? How many did you send? How many offers of rep did you get? How much money did your book sell for? How many copies did you sell in X amount of time? How high on the best-seller lists is your book?<br />
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It's a general thing too, in big and small terms. How much money do you have? How big is your house? How many people will cry at your funeral because you touched their lives? How many "likes" did the picture of your kid get on Facebook?<br />
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And in asking how many/how much/how big/how fast, we always have an idea in our heads of what that number should be in order to have succeeded. These questions and our need for the number to hit that "succeed" threshold is why we go back to Facebook three times a day to check on our "like" stats. We want the validation that we're doing it right, whatever "it" is, and whatever "right" means.<br />
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Here's the thing about this when it comes to publishing. There are very few, and very biased, metrics for determining quantifiable success. And so, for the past several months, I've felt like I've been failing a lot because I have so few numbers telling me I've succeeded. And somehow, my self-worth became tied to my book's numbers.<br />
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I've obsessively checked Goodreads stats, Amazon rankings, and BookScan numbers-- but those are varying and inconclusive. I came to realize they gave me so few pieces of a puzzle that I was getting a skewed view of what the big picture was. I've desperately scoured for information on how to do things "right," from setting up school visits to arranging book signings to hosting the perfect launch party to selling more books. It's so hard to find details on those kinds of things-- believe me. So I stumble along, but no one is patting my head so I can count how many pats I get to determine if I'm doing it "right."<br />
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So much of the time, I feel like a failure simply because I don't know what I'm doing.<br />
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Honestly, I don't know what "right" means. I'm not sure how I define my own success-- or should I say, the success of my book. Sure, I have a detailed marketing plan where I specified goals and ways to reach them. But somehow, in my head, I have this vague idea of success that I can't quite define and therefore can never reach-- because it isn't quantifiable.<br />
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And if I haven't reached it yet, I've failed. There is no sliding scale; it is either-or. If it's not something that breaches that numeric threshold, it's not success-- and therefore it doesn't matter. <i>I </i>don't matter.<br />
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At first, I thought to fix this constant feeling of failure, I just needed to redefine my vision of "success." I succeeded simply by having a book published! I succeeded because people I love have supported me so much and shown me they love me! Every single book sold is its own success!<br />
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You know what? It didn't help. I decided that I didn't want to focus on success. I wanted to focus on something else instead, like how much fun I was having, or how much-- wait. <i>How much</i>. All I was looking for was a different measurement system to take the place of elusive "success."<br />
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I don't want to measure my life. I want to live it. I want to <i>experience</i>.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWs392p0LMMC7yrICxWbSBXF2f916NB9KyfwoDZqJfY04Ko_oF5SHQGHBTP7Z1URBl7rT67AlS60cAOWehSgMscpSnvVVHc_rIEKKfAKreg93T1ufUNGVwLgAwhm-2cI5-PjuNydvNVU3O/s1600/10544779_10101716208321739_7780636444364053712_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWs392p0LMMC7yrICxWbSBXF2f916NB9KyfwoDZqJfY04Ko_oF5SHQGHBTP7Z1URBl7rT67AlS60cAOWehSgMscpSnvVVHc_rIEKKfAKreg93T1ufUNGVwLgAwhm-2cI5-PjuNydvNVU3O/s1600/10544779_10101716208321739_7780636444364053712_n.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a>So I tried something new. I started a new book-- a strange, mythical kind of YA fantasy that's been tugging at me, but that I'm not entirely sure is marketable (aka quantifiable). And I started writing it by hand in a fancy notebook. I'm not counting how many words I write per hour or day. I'm not making sure I write at such-and-such a time for so-many minutes. It's slow, writing by hand, but it's funny how it's more active, somehow. I'm participating more fully in the process of creation, allowing my brain to spin and delve and play while I'm in the midst of actually forming the words, watching ink change the paper into a story.<br />
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And something has happened. I'm relaxing. I'm enjoying. I'm experiencing not just the story, but the act of writing it. I'm feeling not just the joy of writing, but the joy of <i>being</i>. I've been able to experience being me. Not judging or measuring who I am, but just existing and finding joy in myself.<br />
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Some things will always require measurement. I still need to make plans and goals for selling my books, and there will still be a lot of quantifiable and important data in connection with that. But I don't want my worth as a person to be determined by the numbers attached to my book. I am so much more than a collection of stats.<br />
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I hope I keep finding ways to remind myself of that.Shalleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09907680428735740943noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-437730797773263014.post-27403458839310115022014-11-03T09:43:00.000-07:002014-11-03T09:45:14.545-07:00Unhappening Blog Tour and Giveaway - Days 3 and 4I totally missed the posts yesterday because it was Sunday, so I'll link them today! There was a quote card yesterday, so don't miss it for extra entries for <a href="http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/d9681b8678/">the giveaway</a>! Tomorrow is the last day of the tour and giveaway, so you better hurry for a chance to win signed books, gift cards, book-inspired jewelry, and other prizes.<br />
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<b>Nov. 2</b><br />
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<a href="http://suchanovelidea.com/2014/11/genesis-lee/">Such a Novel Idea</a> - Quote Card<br />
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<a href="http://www.addicted2heroines.com/2014/11/guest-post-giveaway-with-shallee.html">Addicted 2 Heroines</a> - Guest Post on how to create meaningful names for your characters-- and why I named my character Genesis Lee!<br />
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<a href="http://innocentsmileyx3.blogspot.com/2014/11/arc-review-unhappening-of-genesis-lee.html">The Innocent Smiley</a> - Review<br />
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<a href="http://cncbooksblog.wordpress.com/2014/11/02/book-review-the-unhappening-of-genesis-lee-by-shallee-mcarthur/">Buried Under Books</a> - Review<br />
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<b>Nov. 3</b><br />
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<a href="http://bookishoutsider.blogspot.com/2014/11/review-giveaway-us-only-unhappening-of.html">Bookish Outsider</a> - Review<br />
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<a href="http://readingismytreasure.blogspot.com/2014/11/blog-tour-review-unhappening-of-genesis.html">Reading is My Treasure</a> - Review<br />
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<a href="http://bestchicklit.com/?p=7227">BestChickLit</a> - Q&A - Including a weird secret about me!<br />
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<a href="http://curling-up-with-a-good-book.blogspot.com/2014/11/ffbc-blog-tour-guest-post-giveaway.html">Curling Up With A Good Book</a> - Guest Post - How <i>The Giver</i> Inspired <i>The Unhappening of Genesis Lee</i>.Shalleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09907680428735740943noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-437730797773263014.post-73973178761953837192014-11-01T09:24:00.002-06:002014-11-01T09:24:17.790-06:00Unhappening Blog Tour, Day 3-- Sneak Peak Quotes!Here we go-- day 3 of the blog tour for The Unhappening of Genesis Lee! Today, we've got a few more sneak-peak quotes with secret words. Enter the secret (highlighted) words in the <a href="http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/d9681b8678/">Rafflecopter</a>, and get extra chances to win signed copies of the book, gift cards, jewelry, and more!<br />
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<a href="http://www.crossroadreviews.com/2014/11/tour-review-of-unhappening-of-genesis.html">Crossroad Reviews</a> - Review + Quote Card<br />
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<a href="http://momwithakindle.blogspot.com.es/2014/11/quote-interview-giveaway-unhappening-of.html">Mom With A Kindle</a> - Q&A + Quote Card -- Find out where I'd go if I had a time machine, my Death Row meal choice, and what I'm working on next!<br />
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<a href="http://adreamwithindream.blogspot.com/">A Dream Within A Dream</a> - Review<br />
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<a href="http://athousandwordsamillionbooks.blogspot.in/">A Thousand words A Million Books</a> - Review<br />
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And here's a few more pictures of Unhappening in the wild!<br />
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<br />Shalleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09907680428735740943noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-437730797773263014.post-28545639106790286002014-10-31T12:02:00.003-06:002014-10-31T12:05:07.952-06:00The Unhappening of Genesis Lee Blog Tour and Giveaway-- Day 2!Okay, folks, here are the stops for the blog tour today! No quote cards today, but you can still find the quote cards from yesterday by checking <a href="http://theunofficialaddictionbookfanclub.blogspot.com/2014/10/ffbc-blog-tour-unhappening-of-genesis.html">here</a>. And there are more to come for more entries in the <a href="http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/d9681b8678/">giveaway</a>!<br />
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<a href="http://www.behind-the-pages.com/2014/10/blog-tour-unhappening-of-genesis-lee-by.html">Behind the Pages</a> - Q&A -- This one has a bookmark with a quote you can download and print off, created by the awesome host, Gina!<br />
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<a href="http://inkofblood.com/2014/10/31/blog-tour-the-unhappening-of-genesis-lee/">Ink of Blood</a> - Review<br />
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<a href="http://www.literaryme.net/">Literary Meanderings</a> - Promo Post<br />
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<a href="http://teenreadersdiary.blogspot.com/2014/10/blog-tour-unhappening-of-genesis-lee.html">Teen Readers' Diary</a> - Promo Post<br />
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<a href="http://el-extrano-gato-del-cuento.blogspot.com/2014/10/blog-tour-unhappening-of-genesis-lee.html">El Extraño Gato del Cuento</a> - Promo Post<br />
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Here's a look at the gorgeous bookmark Gina at Behind the Pages created. Thanks, Gina!<br />
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And thanks to all who participated!<br />
<br />Shalleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09907680428735740943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-437730797773263014.post-85562052987957260782014-10-30T09:19:00.001-06:002014-10-30T19:08:32.902-06:00Blog Tour Scavenger Hunt (an easy one!) - Day 1Hey all! It's the kick-off for the blog tour of <i>The Unhappening of Genesis Lee</i>, hosted by <a href="http://theunofficialaddictionbookfanclub.blogspot.com/2014/10/ffbc-blog-tour-unhappening-of-genesis.html">The Fantastic Flying Book Club</a>! You can win some awesome prizes-- a signed hardback of the book, a $10 bookstore giftcard, Link bracelets (where Gena stores her memories), and swag packs.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMqBCZ7QOwBYGPCPrj1jmD3DieAdgS7e-0YYg7T26TGDyjdImyMv8KCLNn_Z-6RnHKsAv5faaVUNKVC72uGGxfZvtSRERM9OfDZiZhuHrbK5EoN4CUInqek04XBm6yJz0IOkLZKEBhnGks/s1600/giveaway.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMqBCZ7QOwBYGPCPrj1jmD3DieAdgS7e-0YYg7T26TGDyjdImyMv8KCLNn_Z-6RnHKsAv5faaVUNKVC72uGGxfZvtSRERM9OfDZiZhuHrbK5EoN4CUInqek04XBm6yJz0IOkLZKEBhnGks/s1600/giveaway.png" height="229" width="320" /></a></div>
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And, it's a sort of scavenger hunt! You can enter the giveaway without doing the scavenger hunt, but you can win extra points through this easy scavenger hunt. Here's how it works: I'll give you each day's tour schedule, and you hit up the blogs with a Quote Card. Each card has a secret word highlighted. Enter that secret word in the Rafflecopter, and bam, extra entries!<br />
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Alright, folks, here's the schedule for today, Oct. 30th:<br />
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<a href="http://theunofficialaddictionbookfanclub.blogspot.com/2014/10/ffbc-welcome-to-club-unhappening-of.html">A Reading Nurse + The Unofficial Addiction Book Fan Club</a> - Interview where I spill about fascinating memory research and my favorite scene to write where I DESTROYED THINGS,<br />
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<a href="http://addictreaders.blogspot.com/2014/10/the-unhappening-of-genesis-lee-by.html">Addicted Readers</a> - Quote Card<br />
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<a href="http://herbookthoughts.reads-it.com/?p=1590">Her Book Thoughts</a> - Playlist<br />
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<a href="http://www.libraryofabookwitch.com/2014/10/TUGL.html">Library of a Book Witch</a> - Quote Card<br />
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The Rafflecopter will be on each post, but just in case it's not, you can find it <a href="http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/d9681b8678/">here</a>. Go forth and enter, folks!<br />
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And just for kicks, here's a few pics of <i>The Unhappening of Genesis Lee</i> in the wild-- some people have already received their copies. I might have done a little shrieking dance when I saw these...<br />
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Shalleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09907680428735740943noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-437730797773263014.post-79082027117548944672014-10-21T09:15:00.002-06:002014-10-21T09:15:49.521-06:00Pre-Order Giveaway Winners!Thanks to ALL of you who pre-ordered THE UNHAPPENING OF GENESIS LEE and entered the giveaway! It means so much to me, and I wish I could send all of you thank you gifts.<br />
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The winners of the giveaway are (last names removed for privacy purposes):<br />
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For the $10 gift card, Link bracelet, and swag pack:<br />
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<h2>
DeDe!</h2>
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For the Link bracelet and swag pack:<br />
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<h2>
Anna!</h2>
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For the full swag pack:<br />
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<h2>
David!</h2>
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I will be emailing the winners. Thank you all so much!</div>
Shalleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09907680428735740943noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-437730797773263014.post-8932614604514222762014-09-26T10:42:00.001-06:002014-10-06T12:30:22.940-06:00Pre-Order Giveaway for The Unhappening of Genesis LeeAlright, friends, here's the deal. If you don't know, pre-ordering an author's book before it releases is just about the best thing you can do for them. Why? It gives the book a strong start out of the gate, since pre-order sales all count toward release day numbers. This pleases the publisher, and the bookstores. These are the people who support the author's career-- and may induce them to give the author MORE support.<br />
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So here's the rest of the deal. Because it means so much to me when you pre-order my book, I wanted to find a way to say THANK YOU A MILLION TIMES to everyone who does. I wish that meant I could give each person a gift, but I'm sort of not rich enough. So instead, if you pre-order, you can enter the Pre-Order Giveaway for a chance to win thank you gifts!<br />
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There are three prizes.<br />
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1. A full pack of GENESIS LEE swag, a $10 gift card to the online bookstore of your choice, and a magnetic bracelet/necklace that's exactly like Gena's Link bracelets where she stores her memories.<br />
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2. A full GENESIS LEE swag pack and Link bracelet<br />
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3. A full GENESIS LEE swag pack<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTRfCjz-eqmaCSPeFWI9-Y5MQMt77nBfG4pP1HJVKKh-gbSBD4u0eJ_zAz4lYeKFE6l56NZQfVZvMUzUzSVelKeadPvhtqQZXvxVmMHhwV7ULXVjKSqR-1dBEu_T5bV7HQv-vzEhQjY1Nu/s1600/IMG_1729.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTRfCjz-eqmaCSPeFWI9-Y5MQMt77nBfG4pP1HJVKKh-gbSBD4u0eJ_zAz4lYeKFE6l56NZQfVZvMUzUzSVelKeadPvhtqQZXvxVmMHhwV7ULXVjKSqR-1dBEu_T5bV7HQv-vzEhQjY1Nu/s1600/IMG_1729.JPG" height="200" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Unhappening Link bracelet</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAwrlByRxC3wdHygODeJX_ShGBA1EOVmzWewoWFqCillwpGZ2V0tsISk19ty7TMk_UJhUP7lVtkoRze3GfH-pPLJD-R1eaBAdI0Ujh7QJzxyf2dYItx_U9-77cDYqF-XdZU1RZwyPX9nTy/s1600/10352945_10101565054365479_8681860826798358626_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAwrlByRxC3wdHygODeJX_ShGBA1EOVmzWewoWFqCillwpGZ2V0tsISk19ty7TMk_UJhUP7lVtkoRze3GfH-pPLJD-R1eaBAdI0Ujh7QJzxyf2dYItx_U9-77cDYqF-XdZU1RZwyPX9nTy/s1600/10352945_10101565054365479_8681860826798358626_n.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Swag pack-- signed bookmark,<br />
postcard, and 5 different buttons</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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It's easy to enter! <a href="http://www.shalleemcarthur.com/p/books.html">Pre-order</a> the hardcover or ebook of THE UNHAPPENING OF GENESIS LEE <a href="http://www.shalleemcarthur.com/p/books.html">anywhere online</a>, take a screenshot proving you did, email it to shalleemcarthur [at] gmail [dot] com, and enter the giveaway on the Rafflecopter below. You can even earn extra entries by spreading the word!</div>
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If you've already pre-ordered, go ahead and enter now! Email me if you have any questions or problems.</div>
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<b>IMPORTANT IF YOU ARE COMING TO THE UNHAPPENING LAUNCH PARTY NOV. 4</b>: Please consider ordering your copy from The King's English bookstore and let them know you'll be at the party. Not only does this support a great independent, local bookstore, it also ensures you have your copy for me to sign that night! I'd hate it if your book shipped late from elsewhere and I couldn't sign it for you.<br />
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And that's it, my friends! Digital hugs for all!</div>
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<a class="rafl" href="http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/e627a5f02/" id="rc-e627a5f02" rel="nofollow">a Rafflecopter giveaway</a>
<script src="//widget.rafflecopter.com/load.js"></script><br />
Need some incentive to buy? Here's what authors and industry reviewers have to say about THE UNHAPPENING OF GENESIS LEE.
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"...It’s the sensitive handling of emotional details and the trauma of too much connection that make this a story of interest. The reactions to memory losses are painful and poignant...For anyone fascinated with thoughts of omniscience and total social connection—and who isn’t?—McArthur’s debut suggests fascinating and chilling possibilities." <b>-Kirkus Reviews</b><br />
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"Equal parts dark and delightful, McArthur's stunning debut takes an awesome SF premise and follows it deep into the maze of the human mind. I loved it so much I was jealous." –<b>Dan Wells, author of the NYT bestselling PARTIALS Sequence</b></div>
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"A thrilling read from beginning to end, this stunning debut had me wishing I could record my memories to keep them safe! Just like Gena, I was desperate to discover the thief while at the same time hoping the story would never end." –<b>Elana Johnson, author of the POSESSION trilogy</b></div>
Shalleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09907680428735740943noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-437730797773263014.post-31961243668277276662014-09-03T14:44:00.001-06:002014-09-03T14:44:25.954-06:00Salt Lake Comic Con ARC Giveaway!I'm SO excited to be paneling at Salt Lake Comic Con tomorrow and Saturday! I've been stuffing my brain full of all things My Little Pony, writing for teens, worldbuilding, and SFF girls to prep-- how fun is that? I also get to help man the booth for <a href="http://www.dungeoncrawlersradio.com/">Dungeon Crawlers Radio</a> for a few hours on Saturday, which is just awesome.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSk92zkD5-nBj89CABJ1CQ66cLafXigzb3a8wOHAzTYgubxmvEgojkisF6YLP9Le_M4IkB6vithL4X2u1kg6YTBCBFAQYhRHCvnuTJn9QG3vf5KTi6U2ftbSC0R7fHQXvZ-kOnzYQDwl4r/s1600/wpid-unnamed.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSk92zkD5-nBj89CABJ1CQ66cLafXigzb3a8wOHAzTYgubxmvEgojkisF6YLP9Le_M4IkB6vithL4X2u1kg6YTBCBFAQYhRHCvnuTJn9QG3vf5KTi6U2ftbSC0R7fHQXvZ-kOnzYQDwl4r/s1600/wpid-unnamed.png" height="320" width="319" /></a>And even better? Tomorrow marks two months until The Unhappening of Genesis Lee hits shelves! To celebrate, I'll be giving away ONE PRECIOUS ARC of the book at Comic Con!<br />
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Gonna be there? Want the book? All you have to do is track me down and be the first person to ask nicely! Here's my schedule for tomorrow, or look for me on the floor. I'll be the blonde with blue and purple highlights wearing a Doctor Who t-shirt!<br />
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5:00 pm: Go Teen Writers! Room 255C<br />
6:00 pm: Women of Sci Fi and Fantasy: More than Just Strong, Room 255E<br />
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And if you're not the lucky winner, I'll still give you a signed bookmark and a button, so track me down anyway! Here's my Saturday schedule, too:<br />
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12:00 PM: Are You a Brony or a Pegasister? My Little Pony Fans Unite! Room 355D<br />
1:30-4:00 PM: At the booth for Dungeon Crawlers Radio (booth R48)<br />
5:00 PM: Building a Move-In Ready World, Room 255B<br />
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<b>So, my friends, hope to see you there!</b>Shalleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09907680428735740943noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-437730797773263014.post-4783776751849922572014-08-26T10:40:00.001-06:002014-08-26T10:40:40.208-06:00The Moments When Publishing Feels REALIt's now just over two months until <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/20578610-the-unhappening-of-genesis-lee">The Unhappening of Genesis Lee</a> comes out, and exciting things are happening around these parts! If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, these might be a bit familiar.<br />
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First, the audio rights to the book sold to Audible! I'm thrilled that there will be an audio version of the book, since I have so many friends who love audio books. I can't wait (and I'll admit, I'm a little nervous!) to hear my book performed out loud. Oral storytelling has such a strong tradition for generations, and I was exposed to a lot of it while in Ghana, so this feels particularly special to me.<br />
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Next...my ARCs arrived! I checked the mailbox like a nervous squirrel for days, and when the box with my publisher's name on it finally arrived, I shrieked, "It's here!" And then I juggled that box, the rest of the mail, my purse, my son's backpack, and my son himself back to the house (we'd just come from his preschool). I ripped the box open, and there they were! Books. With my name on the front, and my story between the covers. I laughed like a maniac.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqb9Sq290m34JeloT8oPqPd0NrEsM-AAJeZdjxE47CCeu5urKZExVKbAoboYJrjwq_eHGXHMjuY75t1Nd8smBTOXEtMHTVcSs-bI-AE_pIF-0ei9VuCMPRHOKfKa8n9N5hJJBESyziDWVq/s1600/10572154_10101559696482719_5696682228118500846_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqb9Sq290m34JeloT8oPqPd0NrEsM-AAJeZdjxE47CCeu5urKZExVKbAoboYJrjwq_eHGXHMjuY75t1Nd8smBTOXEtMHTVcSs-bI-AE_pIF-0ei9VuCMPRHOKfKa8n9N5hJJBESyziDWVq/s1600/10572154_10101559696482719_5696682228118500846_o.jpg" height="640" width="480" /></a></div>
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And you know what the coolest part was? Not seeing the cover with my name on it, or reading the back copy, or the copyright page with my name on it, or even signing one copy on the title page with the words, "Ha ha! I'm signing my own book!" No, the best part was flipping it open to see the words I wrote IN A BOOK. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhewBGeUCF3ru77bbBnrVg0_mBj_JADqt8uq84pMrxQoDvDitlUfEncHdYS_2yJTCRWWjXU9GhiVDnEW-d04AFpXon7whlbvgrZUtRzds9_2HucSyJ1tqBzvWm3GMOEEx_nqTTzO3BCFrsE/s1600/photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhewBGeUCF3ru77bbBnrVg0_mBj_JADqt8uq84pMrxQoDvDitlUfEncHdYS_2yJTCRWWjXU9GhiVDnEW-d04AFpXon7whlbvgrZUtRzds9_2HucSyJ1tqBzvWm3GMOEEx_nqTTzO3BCFrsE/s1600/photo.JPG" height="400" width="377" /></a></div>
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Suddenly, it was all real. It got even more real when I realized that people are now READING the words I wrote-- because there are also <a href="http://edelweiss.abovethetreeline.com/ProductDetailPage.aspx?sku=1629146471">eARCs up on Edelweiss</a> for short-term download!<br />
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And then I started getting my bookmarks and postcards and buttons in the mail and I sort of just spent the rest of the week in a giggle-induced state of frantic excitement. :)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh7N6-YgerA2egM0ye9Ss4NzoNyRdtj7-HhI7i-l7StwXrxVy5KW_vTyVyGiH2Hk3KdNHUoEB5_Qhpv_fkJpnBlRJWh0n4dHYoioWKH4ooglQTdZb8DOTlMPBosm4CHAd1tGQk0yodcXhV/s1600/10352945_10101565054365479_8681860826798358626_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh7N6-YgerA2egM0ye9Ss4NzoNyRdtj7-HhI7i-l7StwXrxVy5KW_vTyVyGiH2Hk3KdNHUoEB5_Qhpv_fkJpnBlRJWh0n4dHYoioWKH4ooglQTdZb8DOTlMPBosm4CHAd1tGQk0yodcXhV/s1600/10352945_10101565054365479_8681860826798358626_n.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b>So, my friends, it's real. After years and work and luck and a million other little and big details, I finally have a grasp on the fact that this story I wrote will be out there for others to read. It's pretty much the best feeling in the world! And to share the joy, if you're interested in a signed postcard, <a href="http://www.shalleemcarthur.com/p/contact.html">email me</a> your address and I'll get one in the mail to you!</b>Shalleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09907680428735740943noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-437730797773263014.post-14579911409515445482014-07-08T14:54:00.000-06:002014-07-08T14:54:59.373-06:00Why a First Draft SHOULD be MessyThere was once a time when ALL I wrote were first drafts. Lots and lots of delightful, horrible first drafts that I signed off as finished once I found the proper flourishing font for the words THE END. Obviously, I eventually learned that a first draft is only the first step. I also eventually learned to love revisions—that glorious time when I can take the words I said and turn them into the words I meant to say.<br />
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And most recently, I worked on a first draft that made me want to bang my head into the wall. I can quite honestly say it’s been the hardest first draft I’ve ever written, and it took me a while to figure out why. See, I’m a planner. I like structure. I like organization. It’s why I like revision so much. This first draft was even more of a disaster than my others—at least when it came to being organized in any way.<br />
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We hear all the time that first drafts are messy. They’re sandboxes, or piles of &$%* , or whatever metaphor conveys the image of…a mess. We try to believe it, but we don’t always love that that’s the way it is. But writing this first draft, I realized why first drafts are messy—and why they very, very much need to be that way.<br />
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A first draft is about getting out the heart of the story. And hearts are messy places.<br />
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I have a lot of emotion tied to this particular story. I suppose that’s true of any story, but with this one there are issues tied to my heart that I’ve been truly wrestling with. So of course I’ve been wrestling with the story. It’s tried to come out as about three or four completely different stories, and none of them were right. The act of writing out the story was me trying to communicate things I felt, but even I wasn’t sure how I felt about these things, so I wasn’t sure what story I was trying to tell.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYtDvGqiVvY7YBLPAXW25PWkR8vVgjtu6_ljpgpPRNehIcPLCfOlTBjZqrlxBJW0wMldlRqW9eGTjXDPbEYYzmXfPd3YiAHR0C1H7NemlsJ1aB0qJ2WDQJOg_trYmXCS6xvL1B4FKD3xsv/s1600/glass+case+of+emotion+10.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYtDvGqiVvY7YBLPAXW25PWkR8vVgjtu6_ljpgpPRNehIcPLCfOlTBjZqrlxBJW0wMldlRqW9eGTjXDPbEYYzmXfPd3YiAHR0C1H7NemlsJ1aB0qJ2WDQJOg_trYmXCS6xvL1B4FKD3xsv/s1600/glass+case+of+emotion+10.gif" /></a></div>
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You want to know what’s cool, though? I did find the story. It took months. It took stripping away a lot of the trappings. It took changing my perspective on the things I was feeling. It took writing a story that flailed all over the place for me to find the actual core of what I was trying to say, and to understand that core myself. And this disaster of a first draft turned into something heart-driven.<br />
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Which is exactly what a book should be. The method and the craft comes into a story during revisions, but the heart is often what comes out when we allow ourselves to put our messy selves onto the page with no restraint. So that disaster of a story you’re working on, or have worked on, or will work on?<br />
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It’s exactly what it should be. A raw, beautiful, honest mess.Shalleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09907680428735740943noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-437730797773263014.post-19685590064220139472014-06-18T13:25:00.001-06:002014-06-18T13:25:11.895-06:00A Day in the Life of a pre-Debut AuthorSo it's kinda funny, realizing your book comes out in less than 5 months. Sort of giddy-making, really. A tad bit terrifying, too. And it's also kinda funny, looking at your life and realizing how much has changed-- and how little has changed. So today, just for kicks, I thought I'd do a post about the day in the life of this pre-debut author.<br />
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<b>6:00 am-</b>- Wake up to alarm and write the Next Book. Maybe. If you didn't stay up too late catching up on season 7 of Doctor Who last night. No, you're definitely waking up, because the new book must be written. So you write. And you realize this book is awful. Why are you even writing this? People are going to hate it. YOU hate it.<br />
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<b>7:30 am</b>-- Kids are awake, demanding cereal and bananas, or preferably ice cream. You force them to eat the cereal. Baby Girl throws her bowl on the floor in a tantrum. You make her help you clean it up.<br />
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<b>8:00 am</b>-- Exercise! Tai chi is da bomb, folks. Sometimes. If you actually get around to it today. Maybe you'll just browse Twitter/Facebook/Tumblr, because you need to do marketing and that's kind of like marketing. Crap, you have so much to do to market this book, you are so behind!<br />
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<b>8:30 am</b>-- Kids fighting. Make the Kiddo give his sister back her Winnie the Pooh.<br />
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<b>9:00 am</b>-- Check your book's Goodreads stats. You know you shouldn't. It's just numbers, it shouldn't matter. But...what the holy bananas! Fifteen new "to-reads" since last night? How did that happen? Did you tweet something funny? You haven't blogged in like a month, so it's not that. Did somebody somewhere mention your book?<br />
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<b>9:15 am</b>-- Google your book title and look for anything new. It's easy to see the links you haven't clicked yet, because they're blue. There are no blue links.<br />
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<b>9:30 am</b>-- Holy crap, fifteen people decided to read your book and you have no idea why. What the heck is the point of marketing? You'll just lay back, relax, and let the readers flow in. Marketing plan is off the table.<br />
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<b>10:00 am</b>-- Kids demanding snacks-- again. Preferably ice cream. They get graham crackers. You pull out Candyland to play with them. Baby eats the color cards. Kiddo sends his Blue Guy on adventures that have nothing to do with the color cards.<br />
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<b>12:00 pm-</b>- Why do kids need to eat so often? Didn't you JUST feed them?<br />
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<b>1:00 pm-</b>- Naptime! Kiddo gets a video game, and you get writing time. Except you hate your new book. So you send marketing-related emails to arrange marketing-related things. Go you. And you really need to email your editor about The Thing that's been nagging you. You write the email, but you don't send it. You don't need to bug her about this. Do you need to bug her about this? You do, you don't, you do, you don't.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1nhYPIJ2eouypaW0Bx1sGf1xfXj6I-sj3tXo7BbFg1X4qQEn2Ykwq7XJaGY1k9mLweMc2EcpK0RIyB5TJEfNTJENZd3bdSu6KvkapLBr6HeSUp-2NR5vAyPPN1e9Ftt_igPNHRp5H7JJN/s1600/i+don't+know+10.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1nhYPIJ2eouypaW0Bx1sGf1xfXj6I-sj3tXo7BbFg1X4qQEn2Ykwq7XJaGY1k9mLweMc2EcpK0RIyB5TJEfNTJENZd3bdSu6KvkapLBr6HeSUp-2NR5vAyPPN1e9Ftt_igPNHRp5H7JJN/s1600/i+don't+know+10.gif" height="179" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b>1:30 pm-</b>- Save the email but don't send. You hate your new book. You can't write it. You should probably shower anyway.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-zd5Zjb4aYG2MpeiTXrb57rVyUKQyVeKCdLHz8ldmDV6sIma6qGY2sXarZgWUqgRfwCdM7f03L_G4hZNroTxJOqOwh5UKVe1ccAsvG22YHjnuakabACdEM_yGKFidFS_fOXnPJl-UjK9O/s1600/I+dont+like+it+11.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-zd5Zjb4aYG2MpeiTXrb57rVyUKQyVeKCdLHz8ldmDV6sIma6qGY2sXarZgWUqgRfwCdM7f03L_G4hZNroTxJOqOwh5UKVe1ccAsvG22YHjnuakabACdEM_yGKFidFS_fOXnPJl-UjK9O/s1600/I+dont+like+it+11.gif" /></a></div>
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<b>2:00 pm</b>-- Brilliant idea from the shower. You love this book! You knew it was awesome! People everywhere are going to DIE with how much they love it too!<br />
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<span style="text-align: start;">You start writing your new book, and the baby wakes up from her nap. Curses. You check your email with </span></div>
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<span style="text-align: start;">baby on your lap. Delete the email to editor. PATIENCE.</span></div>
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<b>2:30 pm</b>-- Re-draft the email to your editor, but address to your agent. Delete email. You really don't need to send anybody any emails, The Thing is not even a thing to worry about, so knock it off!<br />
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<b>3:00 pm</b>-- Check Goodreads stats. What the? No new "to-reads?" That's it. Marketing plan is back on.<br />
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<b>4:00 pm</b>-- Children should probably wear clothes today, not just pajamas. Take children and computer outside. Intersperse writing the brilliant shower idea with chasing children away from the road.<br />
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<b>6:00 pm</b>-- Dinner. WHY ALL THE EATING?<br />
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<b>8:00 pm</b>-- Bedtime for all non-adults. You should write. But hubby's watching Full Metal Alchemist, and you kinda dig it, and you sort of haven't seem him all day, so...<br />
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<b>11:30 pm</b>-- Bedtime for all non-children. Crap. You're never going to make it up by 6 am to write...Wait, did you ever send that email to your editor?<br />
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<b>So, my friends, there you have it. A (tongue-in-cheek) day-in-the-life of a pre-debut author. Funny, how it's pretty similar to my pre-pre-debut days...What's been happening in your daily life lately?</b>Shalleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09907680428735740943noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-437730797773263014.post-26855657857452320502014-05-08T08:46:00.002-06:002014-05-08T08:46:33.509-06:00Changing Fate Release Party!I'm so happy for my friend Michelle, whose book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Changing-Fate-Michelle-Merrill/dp/1497598672/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1399486117&sr=8-2&keywords=changing+fate">Changing Fate</a> releases today! She wrote this book after meeting a girl with cystic fibrosis, and she's donating half of all proceeds from the book to the<a href="http://www.cff.org/"> Cystic Fibrosis Foundation.</a><br />
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Here's more about Michelle and her book, which you can get now in <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Changing-Fate-Michelle-Merrill/dp/1497598672/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1399486117&sr=8-2&keywords=changing+fate">ebook or paperback</a>!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-S_BRg9HPgu32zob-I3wTcISjC5-XkgjmDFJNScWIa-PU658bLFjDfKwRdYHz0y3yUoQYhp8D8jbmQOMjwQrb3jLto3ODiQoaofybZHk-h73_8ykpaKV2dBOIdpc42_yQ-YMkvHNTmtiZ/s1600/The+final.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-S_BRg9HPgu32zob-I3wTcISjC5-XkgjmDFJNScWIa-PU658bLFjDfKwRdYHz0y3yUoQYhp8D8jbmQOMjwQrb3jLto3ODiQoaofybZHk-h73_8ykpaKV2dBOIdpc42_yQ-YMkvHNTmtiZ/s1600/The+final.jpg" height="320" width="200" /></a><i>All Kate wants is to live. Battling cystic fibrosis is hard enough, dying from it is even harder. When her mom moves them closer to the hospital in the middle of her senior year, Kate’s determined to isolate herself—saving everyone the trouble of befriending a dying girl. It’s a difficult task when cheerful optimist Giana insists on being Kate’s friend.</i><br />
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<i>Kate’s resolve falters even more when curly-haired Kyler captivates her with his sweet melodies. As her emotional walls collapse, Kate realizes the people she’s been pushing away may be the ones giving her a reason to live. But it might be too late.</i><br />
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Check out the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fzNqBQgOiE">book trailer here</a>!<br />
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Want to win a free copy? Visit each participating blog and find all 16 key phrases—2 in each fun fact about the author. Put them together and answer the question in the giveaway on Michelle’s blog for extra points! The giveaway is open to everyone no matter where you live!<br />
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<a href="http://perfectingthecraft.blogspot.com/">Michelle Merrill</a> (1 & 2)<br />
<a href="http://carolriggs.blogspot.com/">Carol Riggs</a> (3 & 4)<br />
<a href="http://www.shalleemcarthur.com/">Shallee McArthur</a> (5 & 6)<br />
<a href="http://www.scribbleweed.com/">Kelley Hicken</a> (7 & 8)<br />
<a href="http://www.annetteklarsen.com/blog/">Annette Larsen</a> (9 & 10)<br />
<a href="http://www.rachelpudelek.blogspot.com/">Rachel Pudelek </a>(11 & 12)<br />
<a href="http://www.daydreamertowriter.blogspot.com/">Melanie Stanford</a> (13 & 14)<br />
<a href="http://chantelesedgwick.blogspot.com/">Chantele Sedgwick</a> (15 & 16)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLzfXtJNqa_dSeM5KTvy4prrGJ6tFtlkuKgrPuCG7AcygjHBfj_AgroxTdK-BPmyrqActvlmgrZ9eJHZOOhWtO4J7794yHfYbdsQjCq-4JOvNGxlLfa10qz4QZYEsB6q4L9CS055frDDsw/s1600/Headshot+%234.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLzfXtJNqa_dSeM5KTvy4prrGJ6tFtlkuKgrPuCG7AcygjHBfj_AgroxTdK-BPmyrqActvlmgrZ9eJHZOOhWtO4J7794yHfYbdsQjCq-4JOvNGxlLfa10qz4QZYEsB6q4L9CS055frDDsw/s1600/Headshot+%234.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a>Michelle Merrill loves kissing her hubby, snuggling her kids, eating candy, reading books, and writing first drafts. She names her computers after favorite fictional characters and fictional characters after favorite names. To learn more about her, visit www.authormichellemerrill.com.<br />
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Fun Facts about Michelle:<br />
5. I’ve been married for 10 years. I met my hubby country dancing. He was good, I was bad, he could lead, I could follow…it was a great mix. He’s tall <b>with</b> light hair, blue eyes, and a smoldering smile. No, you can’t have him. He’s mine forever!!!<br />
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6. I’m number 7 of 10 kids. Youngest girl. Lightest hair. <b>Sparkly teeth</b>…wait. That’s someone else. Dang.Shalleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09907680428735740943noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-437730797773263014.post-23388725843585079762014-05-01T18:57:00.000-06:002014-05-02T10:22:46.227-06:00We Need Diverse Books So Our Diversity Can Teach us UnityI think by now most of us writers on social media have at least heard about the #WeNeedDiverseBooks campaign. I've loved seeing it all over the place, and it's made me think a lot about diversity and books and what they mean.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTt7ZN302YYMfWX3NRR3Z18spXFFd9C_VzlnF-3CtbwZXMgJz_lBRy_gHS0UkVukefhtMAH3IFHhPzV6Nnwa4xMd7_sgmN7H4slBzrZKgl1x-ICOXiMXMM6b-ctr_UkAlSCeaJWo2sbgpl/s1600/41xuln6mF3L.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTt7ZN302YYMfWX3NRR3Z18spXFFd9C_VzlnF-3CtbwZXMgJz_lBRy_gHS0UkVukefhtMAH3IFHhPzV6Nnwa4xMd7_sgmN7H4slBzrZKgl1x-ICOXiMXMM6b-ctr_UkAlSCeaJWo2sbgpl/s1600/41xuln6mF3L.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a>I'm a middle-class white girl. Where I live in Utah, that DEFINITELY puts me in a non-diverse situation. And believe it or not, I crave diversity. I want to know how other people live in ways that are different from me. I want to understand. It's a lot of why I write. It's even more of why I read. It's a lot of why I ended up flying, alone, halfway around the world to Ghana in college.<br />
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I've never had a moment while reading fiction where I couldn't identify with a character, even when that character was a mute Moroccan boy, as in one of my favorite books <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_of_the_Wind">The King of the Wind</a>. BUT. I also never had moments where I thought I COULDN'T be that person in a book. As a white girl in a fiction world full of white girls, I'd seen myself there. Because of that, I came to understand that I could also see myself in different types of characters if I wanted to.<br />
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There are a lot of people, especially young ones, who never see themselves in a book, and so it never occurs to them that they CAN be like the people in the books they read, whether those people are the same or different. And that is where the lack of diversity becomes a problem. It's hard for books to expand our minds when they don't get into our minds in the first place.<br />
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When I wrote my book, <a href="http://www.shalleemcarthur.com/p/books.html">The Unhappening of Genesis Lee</a>, I picked the name of the main character specifically because it flowed well in the title. I didn't have a clue who Genesis/Gena was at that point. But her last name-- one syllable, to offset the long first name-- led me to create her as girl who was one-quarter Chinese. As I wrote more of the book, various things also led me to give her a struggle with anxiety. Because of the backstory of Gena's world, I realized there would naturally be a variety of people there. So her best friend is Hispanic. Her dance teacher is French Algerian and Muslim. Her father's best friend is African American. Because of the backstory of the world, mental illness is an issue several characters face.<br />
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I wasn't trying to write a diverse book. In fact, I feel uncomfortable even calling it a "diverse book," because I don't necessarily feel like it is. The world I created called for certain things, so I put them in there. And you know what? Almost none of those diversities I created has a major bearing on the plot (though there are a few that do). Most of it is so subtle, you wouldn't even realize it. I don't even think I realized it while I wrote it, and honestly, I'd say it's still pretty heavily based in my own middle-class-white-girl type of world.<br />
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But in Gena's world, two cultures are fighting over, essentially, their diversity. They can't see things from the other side's point of view. And that's part of what fiction is all about. If books teach us to see ourselves in someone who's just like us, then they open us up to the possibility of seeing ourselves in someone who ISN'T just like us.<br />
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My friends, this is just one reason why we need diverse books. So everyone can see themselves, feel understood, and then be able to extend that understanding to someone else. So we can learn from someone who has a different life experience than us. So we can use our very diversity to become united.Shalleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09907680428735740943noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-437730797773263014.post-41925766388478043562014-04-28T08:37:00.001-06:002014-04-30T14:55:26.849-06:00Book Cover and ARC Giveaway for The Unhappening of Genesis Lee!You guys...<a href="http://iceybooks.com/blog/2014/04/the-unhappening-of-genesis-lee-by-shallee-mcarthur-cover-reveal-and-giveaway.html">IT'S MY BOOK COVER</a>!<br />
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I'm so excited to share what the designer at Sky Pony did with the cover for The Unhappening of Genesis Lee. It's so beautiful, I totally fell into the stare-at-my-cover-on-the-screen-all-day trap. I love it and I'm thrilled to share it with you all! Hafsah at <a href="http://iceybooks.com/blog/2014/04/the-unhappening-of-genesis-lee-by-shallee-mcarthur-cover-reveal-and-giveaway.html">IceyBooks</a> was awesome and pulled together a great cover reveal for me, and I'm even giving away an ARC over there!<br />
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Go forth and enter, and admire, and (if you'd be so willing) share!<br />
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Shalleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09907680428735740943noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-437730797773263014.post-741480234399958982014-04-22T09:50:00.001-06:002014-04-22T09:50:54.670-06:00Altering Perceptions of Mental Illness-- It's a long roadIt's no secret that many writers deal with mental illnesses of some kind. For some reason, the creative mind seems particularly prone to them. And despite the fact that many of us are trying to change our perception and others' perceptions about mental illnesses as actual illnesses, I think we still have a ways to go.<br />
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Author Robison Wells has been very open online about his several mental illnesses, and I am personally so grateful to him for that. Why? Because I deal with mental illness too. Rob's are much more severe than mine. So severe that he's in deep medical debt. And right now, his friends and fellow authors have banded together to help him. Before I go any farther, please go check out the <a href="https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/altered-perceptions#home">IndieGoGo campaign</a> to help raise this money-- not only can you get an anthology of fabulous work by well-known authors like Brandon Sanderson and Dan Wells, but a host of other things as well. You'll be helping a fellow writer and human being through a financially-devastating illness.<br />
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Now, I'll get a little personal. I've dealt with episodic depression and anxiety for years-- in fact, there was a point in my life where I didn't even realize that's what it was. But looking back, I recognize it now. For me, it wasn't until after my second child that it got bad enough for me to recognize it in the moment. Four months after my baby was born, I sat in the car with my children, trying to cry as quietly as possible so they wouldn't hear, and no longer saw a point to life.<br />
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I wasn't quite suicidal, but it was a wake-up call. I called my doctor that afternoon, and was diagnosed with postpartum depression the next day. I was given a number for a psychiatrist and a prescription for anti-depressants. Driving home, I had a strange mix of relief that I could treat what was wrong with me, and shame. Shame for the pills in that little white bag on the seat next to me. I should have been able to fix this. Why couldn't I just control my emotions, change my attitude, and make it better? Why was I so weak that I needed a pill for my damn EMOTIONS?<br />
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You see, even as a sufferer of a mental illness, I didn't see it as an illness. I simply saw myself as weak.<br />
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Looking back now, I'm still not sure if my depression was true postpartum, the beginnings of my multiple sclerosis symptoms, or some mixture of both. I don't think it really matters. Whether it was hormones screwing with my brain, or my immune system eating away at the nerves directing my emotional currents, it was out of my control. My physical MS symptoms started within the next month and a half, and after I was diagnosed, we discovered that some of my MS symptoms were being exacerbated by the side-effects of my anti-depression meds. Cautiously, I weaned myself from them under my doctor's care, and watched as my MS symptoms abated completely.<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrYmQArDPkxoqv1VGkCUvOC2TZIXPPfl5atmLJXSa7hvh2E_ty6zDvE1OVK_8_tiM7NOaGPBY6N-pISaTv-cKAG0C5N35dKIqnKQBz2QyHTSlfX8pkDfLpipOjd6pCcBzR1zADr22V5kE9/s1600/IMG_0520.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrYmQArDPkxoqv1VGkCUvOC2TZIXPPfl5atmLJXSa7hvh2E_ty6zDvE1OVK_8_tiM7NOaGPBY6N-pISaTv-cKAG0C5N35dKIqnKQBz2QyHTSlfX8pkDfLpipOjd6pCcBzR1zADr22V5kE9/s1600/IMG_0520.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Fred and George, my new zebra finches, are helpful as<br />my cheerful little therapy birds.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I've now been unmedicated for my depression and anxiety for a year, but the illness hasn't gone away. I have a suspicion that the nerves damaged in my initial MS attack are permanently scarred, because the things that can trigger my other MS symptoms to resurface temporarily-- heat, tiredness, stress, eating certain foods--trigger my mental symptoms as well. I'm managing with alternate therapies like therapy animals, real therapy, meditation, diet changes, etc., but there are days when the anxiety especially renders me incapable of doing things.<br />
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It's exhausting, mentally, physically, and financially, to look at the rest of my life and realize I'll likely struggle with this forever. That I'll have to be very careful with the medications I take for it. But I've finally gotten to the point where I realize it IS an illness. We tend to view illness in our world as something physical. Something obvious to others-- a cough, a rash, glassy eyes, hot forehead. Emotions and mental processes, however, are invisible. And we are taught they can be under our control if we just try hard enough. But when the brain is broken-- when chemicals malfunction, when nerve signals short-circuit--it's invisible, it's "in our head." It's hard to understand that just because it's in the brain doesn't mean we control it with our thoughts or willpower.<br />
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I've realized there's not much I can say to really remove the stigma of mental illness. Even I, who thought I truly viewed them as real illnesses, still felt shame over my own lack of control when those illnesses took me over. Even I still feel guilt on the worst days for being unable to do the things I want and need to do, for putting pressure on my family, for crying in public. It can be hard for an outsider to distinguish mental illness from other things like laziness, drugs, or just "being weird and crazy." And I think that's why it's so hard to change the stigma, to change the fact that we often view mental illness as craziness, laziness, or the patient's own fault.<br />
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My friends, I know some of you deal with these illnesses. If you don't, I guarantee you know someone who does. I know it can be strange and uncomfortable to see yourself or someone else going through it, and hard to change our thought processes. To all of you, I say, be kind. Be kind to the ones you know. It's hard, when you yourself don't understand what's going on in their head. You don't have to understand. Start by being kind. Give people the benefit of the doubt instead of a judging glance. Be kind to yourself-- which, if you're the one suffering, is the hardest thing of all. Do what you can to let go of guilt and self-judgment.<br />
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And, if you can, <a href="https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/altered-perceptions#home">check out the anthology</a> and support a fellow human being who needs it.Shalleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09907680428735740943noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-437730797773263014.post-30006634557162718442014-04-03T10:41:00.000-06:002014-04-03T10:41:02.349-06:00The Stories That Mean the Most to Us-- Cover Reveal for Michelle Merrill's Changing FateThe stories we write always have meaning to us-- they always strike some kind of personal note that we hope readers feel, too. But sometimes, there's a particular story that is really powerful to us. The characters, or the theme, or the concept, or the whole story wrapped up together is more than just a meaningful story. It's a part of our soul. Those stories are the most terrifying to share, but often the ones we need to share the most.<br />
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So today, I'm so happy to share my friend Michelle's book. This is a story that means so much to her, and I'm so proud of her for having the courage to share it with all of you. Today is the cover release for her book CHANGING FATE. You can read more about what this book means to her over at <a href="http://perfectingthecraft.blogspot.com/2014/04/my-very-own-cover-reveal.html?spref=fb">her blog</a>. Half of all proceeds from the book will be donated to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation.<br />
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All Kate wants is to live. Battling cystic fibrosis is hard enough, dying from it is even harder. When her mom moves them closer to the hospital in the middle of her senior year, Kate’s determined to isolate herself—saving everyone the trouble of befriending a dying girl. It’s a difficult task when cheerful optimist Giana insists on being Kate’s friend.<u></u><u></u></div>
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Kate’s resolve falters even more when curly-haired Kyler captivates her with his sweet melodies. As her emotional walls collapse, Kate realizes the people she’s been pushing away may be the ones giving her a reason to live. But it might be too late.</div>
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Michelle Merrill loves kissing her hubby, snuggling her kids, eating candy, reading books, and writing first drafts. She names her computers after favorite fictional characters and fictional characters after favorite names. To learn more about her, visit <a href="http://www.authormichellemerrill.com/" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">www.authormichellemerrill.com</a>.</div>
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<span style="text-indent: 0in;">Follow her on Twitter- </span><a href="https://twitter.com/merrillwrites" style="color: #1155cc; text-indent: 0in;" target="_blank">https://twitter.com/<wbr></wbr>merrillwrites</a></div>
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Like her on Facebook- <a href="https://www.facebook.com/authormichellemerrill?ref=hl" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">https://www.facebook.com/<wbr></wbr>authormichellemerrill?ref=hl</a><u></u><u></u></div>
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Check out her Blog- <a href="http://perfectingthecraft.blogspot.com/" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">http://perfectingthecraft.<wbr></wbr>blogspot.com/</a></div>
Shalleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09907680428735740943noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-437730797773263014.post-65546614410241146172014-03-03T06:00:00.000-07:002014-03-03T06:00:01.669-07:00Multiple Sclerosis Awareness Month: You Know Someone with MS. It's Me.I've mentioned a few times on the blog that last year was a difficult one for me. Today's the day I talk about why. In April last year, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.<br />
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I get usually two reactions when I tell people. Either a nod, an "Oh," and a blank look that tells me they aren't quite sure what the disease is; or a widening of the eyes and an "I'm so sorry!" exclamation that tells me they think I'll be in a wheelchair within five years. So with March being MS awareness month, I want to do my part to spread some awareness.<br />
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Multiple sclerosis is an auto-immune disorder. Basically, my immune system has become a zombie-- it eats my brain! Well, not exactly. Around every nerve is a protective coating, like the plastic around a wire, called myelin. My immune system sees myelin as a Bad Guy for some reason, and starts attacking it-- particularly the nerves in my brain and spinal cord. When this covering gets eaten away, the nerves can't conduct signals, and the nerves themselves can even get damaged.<br />
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For me, this showed up initially as a tingling in my fingertips, like they were constantly asleep. I noticed it last winter, and at first thought I had a pinched nerve. But then the tingling become a numbness and weakness that spread through my hand, making it difficult to do simple tasks I'd always taken for granted. It made its way up my arm, then down my side. And then it started on my right hand.<br />
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There were other things, too. What I had thought was late-onset postpartum depression I now believe was MS-related. I had extreme fatigue, so bad I woke up in the mornings and went back to sleep on the couch for most of the day. I started having mild problems with balance and weakness in my legs-- I could no longer do Zumba because I literally didn't have the strength. I even had odd things like being unable to recall words and having short-term memory lapses.<br />
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Blood tests came back clear. The doctor sent me to a neurologist to get an MRI to rule out the "scary" things-- brain tumor and MS. After having to insist on the MRI to a neurologist who passed off my symptoms as carpal tunnel, the diagnosis came through. I had lesions--spots--on my brain and spinal cord where the myelin had been chewed away.<br />
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Believe it or not, the first thing my husband and I did was drive from the doctor's office to our favorite sushi place for an "it's-not-a-brain-tumor" celebratory lunch. Because it could have been much worse.<br />
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But then there were more doctor visits, 3 days of IV meds, diet changes, more meds, new terminology, and over it all-- fear. Anger. My body had betrayed me. I wasn't supposed to get a disease that could disable me. I was supposed to never have to worry about being able to move and jump and run--and type my stories. For several months, I could barely do what I loved most and it completely terrified me.<br />
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I have what's called relapsing-remitting MS. I'll be fine for a while, and then my immune system will attack again. There's no way of knowing when, and no way of knowing how it will affect me. But it also means an attack will usually go away (though it can sometimes leaves permanent damage), either on its own or with treatment. It means that my type of MS is treatable, to an extent. Medications and other options that weren't available even ten years ago mean I don't have to face a downward spiral that ends only in permanent and complete disability.<br />
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MS is different for everyone. I currently feel healthier than I have in years. Most of my symptoms have completely disappeared, and I'm active and happy. Some have the disease worse than me, with harder symptoms and permanent disabilities. Some have it not as bad, with maybe only one relapse in their entire life. Some go from good to bad, or from worse to better. But all of us have hope because of continuing research.<br />
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This is my continuing story of MS, and each week in March, I'll be posting on a topic related to how it's changed my perspective. This isn't just about my particular struggle with this particular disease. It's about people all over the world who struggle with challenges. It's me wanting to open up about my story so others can better understand people who may be struggling around them-- and maybe understand their own struggles, too. I'm still trying to understand mine, so I hope this will even help me.<br />
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<b>So, my friends, that's the plot twist that opened up in my life last year. It's been hard, and wonderful, and terrifying, and awe-inspiring. If you have questions, please ask, either here in the comments or <a href="http://www.shalleemcarthur.com/p/contact.html">through email</a>! I'm eager and willing to talk about any and all of it to spread understanding. </b><br />
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<b>And if you can, please consider donating to the <a href="http://www.nationalmssociety.org/">National Multiple Sclerosis Society</a> to help fund research and support programs that benefit everyone who has MS. The current treatments for MS are a huge blessing, but even those are still not 100% effective. Even better than a treatment would be a cure.</b>Shalleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09907680428735740943noreply@blogger.com12