Multiple Sclerosis Awareness Month: You Know Someone with MS. It's Me.

I've mentioned a few times on the blog that last year was a difficult one for me. Today's the day I talk about why. In April last year, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.

I get usually two reactions when I tell people. Either a nod, an "Oh," and a blank look that tells me they aren't quite sure what the disease is; or a widening of the eyes and an "I'm so sorry!" exclamation that tells me they think I'll be in a wheelchair within five years. So with March being MS awareness month, I want to do my part to spread some awareness.

Multiple sclerosis is an auto-immune disorder. Basically, my immune system has become a zombie-- it eats my brain! Well, not exactly. Around every nerve is a protective coating, like the plastic around a wire, called myelin. My immune system sees myelin as a Bad Guy for some reason, and starts attacking it-- particularly the nerves in my brain and spinal cord. When this covering gets eaten away, the nerves can't conduct signals, and the nerves themselves can even get damaged.

For me, this showed up initially as a tingling in my fingertips, like they were constantly asleep. I noticed it last winter, and at first thought I had a pinched nerve. But then the tingling become a numbness and weakness that spread through my hand, making it difficult to do simple tasks I'd always taken for granted. It made its way up my arm, then down my side. And then it started on my right hand.

There were other things, too. What I had thought was late-onset postpartum depression I now believe was MS-related. I had extreme fatigue, so bad I woke up in the mornings and went back to sleep on the couch for most of the day. I started having mild problems with balance and weakness in my legs-- I could no longer do Zumba because I literally didn't have the strength. I even had odd things like being unable to recall words and having short-term memory lapses.

Blood tests came back clear. The doctor sent me to a neurologist to get an MRI to rule out the "scary" things-- brain tumor and MS. After having to insist on the MRI to a neurologist who passed off my symptoms as carpal tunnel, the diagnosis came through. I had lesions--spots--on my brain and spinal cord where the myelin had been chewed away.

Believe it or not, the first thing my husband and I did was drive from the doctor's office to our favorite sushi place for an "it's-not-a-brain-tumor" celebratory lunch. Because it could have been much worse.

But then there were more doctor visits, 3 days of IV meds, diet changes, more meds, new terminology, and over it all-- fear. Anger. My body had betrayed me. I wasn't supposed to get a disease that could disable me. I was supposed to never have to worry about being able to move and jump and run--and type my stories. For several months, I could barely do what I loved most and it completely terrified me.

I have what's called relapsing-remitting MS. I'll be fine for a while, and then my immune system will attack again. There's no way of knowing when, and no way of knowing how it will affect me. But it also means an attack will usually go away (though it can sometimes leaves permanent damage), either on its own or with treatment. It means that my type of MS is treatable, to an extent. Medications and other options that weren't available even ten years ago mean I don't have to face a downward spiral that ends only in permanent and complete disability.

MS is different for everyone. I currently feel healthier than I have in years. Most of my symptoms have completely disappeared, and I'm active and happy. Some have the disease worse than me, with harder symptoms and permanent disabilities. Some have it not as bad, with maybe only one relapse in their entire life. Some go from good to bad, or from worse to better. But all of us have hope because of continuing research.

This is my continuing story of MS, and each week in March, I'll be posting on a topic related to how it's changed my perspective. This isn't just about my particular struggle with this particular disease. It's about people all over the world who struggle with challenges. It's me wanting to open up about my story so others can better understand people who may be struggling around them-- and maybe understand their own struggles, too. I'm still trying to understand mine, so I hope this will even help me.

So, my friends, that's the plot twist that opened up in my life last year. It's been hard, and wonderful, and terrifying, and awe-inspiring. If you have questions, please ask, either here in the comments or through email! I'm eager and willing to talk about any and all of it to spread understanding. 

And if you can, please consider donating to the National Multiple Sclerosis Society to help fund research and support programs that benefit everyone who has MS. The current treatments for MS are a huge blessing, but even those are still not 100% effective. Even better than a treatment would be a cure.

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Becoming a Professional-- It's a Little Weird

I was lucky enough over the last two weeks to have two opportunities to teach some of the things I know about writing to a live audience. And let me tell you-- it's a little weird.

On the Queries panel with the lovely Peggy Eddleman

I actually LOVE teaching. I've taught preschool and I currently teach the adult Sunday school at my church. I also love to share what I know about writing to the world of the internets (whether or not that's a good thing depends on if I actually know what I'm talking about...). But for the first time, I sat on a panel at Life, the Universe, and Everything SFF symposium with other authors, introduced myself as an author, and taught/gave advice to a whole room full of eager writers. It was really cool, and really fun. And also weird.

Why is that, you may ask? Because all of a sudden, there was a table between me and other writers.

I'm still learning, too, after all. I went to some of the same panels and classes the other writers went to. But this year, some people saw me a little differently after seeing me on a panel. I was the professional, the Author-with-a-capital-A. Which I am, I suppose. I write professionally now, as in I get paid for it, as in I teach about it on the other side of the table.

I look so short next to Elana Johnson, Michael Jensen,
and David Powers King!

But in a lot of ways, I'm not any different than I was at last years' conference. I'm still writing books. I'm still learning about writing them. I'm still having confidence crises. I'm still making my husband roll
his eyes when I buy jewelry that reminds me of my book as a kind of talisman to wear while I write. So it felt a little weird to me to have people see me as the pro. I'm still just me. And I realized it's kind of the same with the authors I idolize-- they're still people, and they're still writers. Like me.

So, my friends, I guess what I'm saying is that not as much changes after getting a book deal as you might think. We're all the same on the inside-- we're all writers. I am curious, though-- which authors do you idolize, even if just a bit? Right now, I personally have a writer crush on Maggie Stiefvater. Go read The Scorpio Races, ya'll! It's brilliant. 

P.S. Did you know my first story I ever published was at age 16? And that, believe it or not, I'm still proud of that piece of crap? I wrote all about it here!

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A Cover Reveal, A Kindle Giveaway, and The One and Only Time I was Tempted to Steal a Book

Today is Chantele Sedgwick's cover reveal of her YA contemporary fantasy, NOT YOUR AVERAGE HAPPY ENDING! I LOVE the covers for her books-- this one is a perfect complement to the first book!

Ready?

Here it is!

"When Ash Summerland left the Academy of Magical Beings, he was sure he’d put his troubles behind him. But when his girlfriend, Kendall, is almost killed by an old enemy over something he knows little about, Ash is forced to confront the demons of his past if he wants to save his and Kendall’s future.
With his fairy magic fading and his djinn magic more powerful than ever, Ash isn’t sure he can stop the evil from closing in around him. Although Kendall is the only thing keeping him from going over the edge, if he can’t learn to balance out his magic and find a way to defeat his enemies once and for all, both his world, and the girl he loves will be lost forever." Coming March 3, 2014 from Crescent Moon Press.

In other news, today is the launch of the Fall Fourteeners, a fabulous group of YA authors debuting this fall, and we're holding a big, fat giveaway! We want to share our favorite ebooks--and a shiny new Kindle to read them on--with a lucky winner! So head on over and enter to win.

And finally, if you're interested in finding out about the one and only time I was tempted to steal a book (hint: it was worth over $3,000!), you can check out my first post at the Fearless Fifteeners! No, I'm not debuting in 2015, but the lovely Fifteeners made room for me in their ranks, and I'm happy to be part of another group of stellar authors!

Happy Love Day, friends, and see you next week!

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Finding your voice after the publishing panic

So there's something I've heard before about getting published. It's that, once you get your first book deal (or second or third, I don't know how long it goes on, maybe forever for some people and maybe it never happens to others), there's a panic. There's a pressure. Suddenly, somebody wants something you wrote, and now they will want more-- and so you have to write more. And you have to write more better and faster. And you stare at the document full of a dozen story ideas you've had over the last few years, and you panic.

None of them are good enough. You are not good enough. You can't do this. People expect you to, there's a timeline, a deadline, and you have to deliver, and you don't know if you can. What if people hate your first book? Worse, what if people hate your second book, which means your first was just a fluke, which means you're a hack and you should just hide because you're writing that first draft of that second book right now and you already know it sucks and it's taking too long and you don't want anyone to read it, anyway.

It's kind of paralyzing. You spend a lot of time second-guessing yourself. You analyze everything you write to make sure it's done "the right way." You want to be original, but not too out there, and you don't know if you're doing that, or if you're doing anything right at all. Because the thing is, getting a book deal didn't suddenly make you a better writer than you were before. You've written a book before, but you've never written this book before, and it's hard as hell.

It all comes down to this: now that you have an audience, you stop listening to yourself.

But hopefully, you get to the point where you realize you've stopped listening. Maybe it takes you a week or a month or a year, but once you realize you've stopped listening, it's actually pretty easy to start again. You turn off Twitter with its helpful but overwhelming tweets on how to write EVERYTHING. You turn off Facebook with its wonderful friends who can't wait to read your book. You'll turn them back on again, because you love those things and those people. You appreciate them, and you need them. But not right now.

Right now, you need silence and you need a blank page. You need to look at that new story and find yourself inside it. That's the story you were missing-- the one that belongs to you, not to the people you think you have to impress in the future. This is what agents and editors mean when they tell you to write what you love, not to the trends. Let the story be what it will be, and let it be yours.

Shut the door. Forget the world. And write the book.

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The Importance of Family in a Writer's Life

Something pretty thrilling happened over the weekend-- my book went up on Goodreads! It was one of those flailing-squealing-oh-my-gosh-look-I'm-an-author moments I'm still kind of shocked I get to experience. Then, I clicked a little link on the Goodreads page...and found my book up for pre-order on Amazon. I DIED.

So folks, if you feel so inclined, you can now add THE UNHAPPENING OF GENESIS LEE to your to-read list! Or, you know, pre-order it. ;)

Well, after that blatant self-promotion, I can move on to the rest of the blog post. :)

Right now, I'm sitting in my brand new office with a toddler on my lap, drinking apple cider herbal tea and feeling ridiculously happy. See, it's been a good long while since I've had my own "space." Living in small apartments with two kids doesn't leave much room, so I've been a laptop nomad for years now. My computer rotates around the house all day, and so does my writing space. It was hard for me to focus and get in the writing groove.

So my wonderful family helped me out. We moved the two kids into one bedroom, which they're ridiculously excited about, and made the smallest bedroom my office. You guys, I HAVE SO MUCH SPACE. And it's specifically for me. And it's all full of decorations and pictures and things that inspire me. Already, it's helping me focus, and I'm so happy.

And it's all because of my family.

Sometimes, we focus so much on the writing part of our lives (online, at least) that we forget to mention the people that make it possible. So, here's my mention. My husband has believed in me from day one. Before day one, actually-- he's the one who encouraged me to get back into writing seriously. He's given me encouragement, time, space, and flowers of celebration. He's put up with writerly mood swings and taken days off work so I could go to writing conferences. Basically, he's my knight in shining armor.

My kids don't understand what I'm doing yet. But they have been so flexible and willing to let mommy have her writing time. They've driven me crazy, and also kept me from the edge of crazy. They've reminded me how important and how precious and how incredible real life is. They keep me grounded, humble, and laughing.

I know not everybody has the world's most supportive families. It can be hard to keep doing what you love when you don't have lots of support, and for that, I salute you people. But no matter what, try to take a moment today and be grateful for the people you love. Be grateful to them-- show them or tell them that. Because in the end, when books get the final rejection or go out of print or the reviews all come in at 2 stars, your family will still love you. And that is what matters most.

So, my friends, who is your support network? Have you told your family you love them lately? I'm off to tell mine right now.

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This is why all writers are amazing-- whether pubbed, self-pubbed, or un-pubbed

There are a lot of ups and downs to being a writer. One minute, we're convinced we've written the next Harry Potter, and the next we want to bury the monstrosity we've created in the backyard. We have the thrill of completing a novel, and the struggle of revisions, and the excitement of submission, and the agony of rejection. We have the mind-blowing screaming moment of joy when we finish a book or get an offer of representation or a book deal or release our own book on Amazon, and then we have the crippling panic of writing the next book and being terrified we will never again be able to write something worth reading.

And sometimes we forget. We forget how far we've come. We forget how amazing we are.

My brother-in-law told me something over the holidays that I'll never forget. I'd announced my book deal to family, though I couldn't announce online yet because the contract wasn't final. Amidst all the congratulations and joy, my BIL said (and I paraphrase), "You know, this is so amazing. Nobody stood over you and told you to write every day, or made you keep going through all the rejections. This was all you, working hard and determined to reach your dream. And you did it."

Did you read that, people? Did you see yourself in it? I hope you did.

After he said that, I stood in the kitchen for a moment, dumbfounded and full of pride. Because he's right, and I'd forgotten it.

Did you know that as a teenager, I decided I would never write a novel? My plan was to stick to short stories, because a novel was hard. It was huge. It was impossible. And now, fifteen years later, I had forgotten that there was a time when I deemed something impossible and I had accomplished it. Several times, in fact. Because I worked hard and pushed through hard times and found joy in the good ones.

Four writers, all in different stages of our dreams, all amazing.
Congrats to Sara B. Larson on her book DEFY.

Every writer in the world is the same in a way. Whether pubbed, self-pubbed, or un-pubbed, we are astounding examples of tenacious hard workers, dreamers who are doing the impossible of actually trying to make their dreams come true.

We forget that. We focus on what we haven't yet accomplished-- we don't have an agent, or a book deal, or a number one slot on Amazon. We forget that there was a time when we didn't write. When it was too hard or we were too busy or we just hadn't ever thought about doing something so mind-boggling as attempting to communicate our souls through 300 pages of words.

Try not to forget that. Wherever you are in your pursuit of your dream, you did it yourself with no overlord but your own determination. And that makes you one of the rarest and most amazing people in the world.

So, my friends, what are your dreams? How far have you come? And if you don't mind, can you hop on over to congratulate a writer just like you whose book, THE GATHERING, comes out today? I'm so thrilled for Randy Lindsay!

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It's 2014! AKA How to Manage the Busiest Year Ever

Farewell to 2013, a year that was a fascinating combination of screaming-jumping-dreams-coming-true and crushing-depression-worthy-unexpected-but-turning-out-okay kinds of things. I haven't talked much about the second part here on the blog (or anywhere, for that matter), but I may eventually. Suffice it to say, it was a year of growth and change.

Fireworks! Celebration! Happy 2014!

And now-- it's 2014! There's a whole year ahead that's a blank slate of possibilities, some of which will be good and some bad. For me, it means my book is coming out THIS YEAR. Which fills me with all sorts of squeeing and panic attacks. I'm so thrilled that my publisher wanted to release my book earlier than expected. It's that much sooner that I get to share my story with you all.

But it's also THAT MUCH CLOSER. Which means the typical publishing time schedule I'd expected isn't applying here. Already, we're talking about covers and flap copy on top of things like edits due soon. Already, I've joined the awesome group of Fearless Fifteeners (authors releasing books in 2015-- or late 2014 for me). Already, I'm putting together a marketing plan that loads up my 2014 with all kinds of shenanigans.

I'm facing edits for Unhappening, marketing for Unhappening, and writing a new book all RIGHT NOW. And let's just say my poor hubby had to deal with a frantic, panicky me for far too long last night. But I woke up this morning non-panicky. Know why?

Because these are all the things I wanted, and I get them. And because I have a plan. No New Year's Resolutions for me-- I've got a Plan instead. Here it is:

FOCUS
Splitting my brain apart to try to do everything at once is what induces those lovely frantic moments. So instead, I'm going to focus. At some moments, some things become the obvious priorities. On those hours, or days, or weeks, that's what gets my focus.

In addition, I'm going to focus on the THINGS I CAN CONTROL. Being run through the publishing submission ringer has shown me just how much is out of my control. And nothing I can do will change that, so I'm going to (try) not to worry about it.

DO ONE THING EVERY DAY
This seems like the opposite of the above, but hear me out. In all of my "categories" of things to do (mom-ing, wife-ing, editing, writing, marketing, me-ing), I can do one small thing every day. Write one new sentence. Edit one page. Tweet one person. Play one round of Candyland with my kids. Give my husband one thorough kiss. Sweep the kitchen floor. Sometimes, one of these categories is going to take precedence, and I'll be doing that focus thing a lot more heavily, so this part of the plan is subject to frequent change. But I can still preface a marathon editing session with fifteen minutes of Zumba. I can take a break from scrubbing down a neglected house to write a blog post. There are lots of little spaces in the day, and I can make sure I fill them.

DON'T GIVE IN TO GUILT
That focus thing? That one-thing-a-day thing? Yeah. Odds are, I'm going to mess those up a bit. So what? Things change, life throws curveballs, I have days where all I want to do is go on a Star Trek:TNG Netflix binge. Bring it on. It doesn't mean I've failed. It means that's life, and I need a break, and I don't have to feel guilty because of it. I give myself permission to let go of the plan occasionally with no guilt, so I can jump back into it with gusto.

So, my friends, what does your 2014 look like? What are your goals or plans or hopes or dreams? More writing or revising? Some querying? Some self-pubbing? Some books on submission? Some real-life things that really matter to you? Do tell!

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